The Snarky Women's Guide to Modern Literature

A club of folks who read and review books we loathed, devoured or could not finish.

The reviewers are narcissistic and prone to PMS. You may find inane commentary, sarcastic maneuvering, hostile retorts, some bitch slapping, and lots of vodka induced posts.

Our Motto:
Some people avoid book clubs that behave like soap operas, we buy tickets to them.

P.S. If you don't want spoilers, move along.
Showing posts with label silly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label silly. Show all posts

Monday, September 3, 2012

Things were so much nicer before the demon hunters moved here

New Page 1
Demon Hunting in the Deep South by Lexi George
A sort of review
From the book jacket
Evie Douglass doesn’t know what’s worse—the demons secretly infesting her small Alabama hometown. . .or human belle-from-hell Meredith Starr Peterson, who’s made her life miserable since high school. But when the “Death Starr” is brutally murdered and Evie is the number-one suspect, she’s suddenly besieged by the evil-not-dead-enough and Meredith’s furious specter. The only way she can clear her name is to get out from under demon hunter Ansgar’s grim protection. He’s blond, breathtaking, and the most lethal of all his kin, but after years of teasing, Evie is wary of anyone who swears her plus-size self is beautiful. However, having Ansgar all over her is sparking outrageous powers Evie didn’t know she had. And she’ll face any ultimate evil to keep this sexy slayer in this dimension and in her bed for all eternity...
When I read a book, I often refer to the book jacket artwork to focus my imagery of the characters or the location. The book jacket artist must have given the book a light perusal and pulled out "alien sexy warrior clad in leather" and "pretty Southern red head." I have helpfully pointed out the errors for you.
In this book we get to know a character introduced in the short story The Bride Wore Demon Dust. Yes, this book is about Nicole, AKA Mullet Woman,  the former pole dancer and more recently former gas station attendant who cannot be separated from her Allihuahua, Frodo. She has decided to bring her unconventional attire and mullet hairstyle to Hannah the birthplace of weird stuff. Poor Nicole has been chased out of town by a Chihuahua killer. Unfortunately, said Chihuahua killer has arrived in Hannah to continue his rampage of canine murder.

It is really a shame no one can see the bitchy ghost. 

Meredith, AKA Deathstar, as a character was unredeemable. A former high school mean girl, then society harridan who tormented small business professionals, and currently a ghost suffering from PTDD. Post Traumatic Death Disorder is normally something only seen in newly raised vampire, but Ms. George does a fine job of applying here. As I read about Meredith, I understand that creating this character purged some pretty angry emotions for the author. I had one gal that bullied me in high school, another who attempted to bully me in college, and I worked for one for a few years. I can see me writing either into a book, having her murdered then doomed to watch her friends slink after her husband while being forced to attend group therapy for being too bitchy to revel in the peace that comes with the afterlife. 

Yeah, Ms. George, I am totally feeling you on this.

You are probably wondering when I will start writing about the plot and its love story. You can Google reviews of this book for that. I want to tell you about the quirky inhabitants of this book who had me laughing two nights in a row while reading it. Because, well, this is a silly book. For example, poor Evie can no long see her beloved fairies but everyone else can. I didn't get a clear explanation for this. And why does Evie do her best cursing in the closet? And just how stupid is Trey, the widow, who openly covets his wife's accused murderer even though, Ansgar, the demon killer, is clearly attached to her curvy hip at all times? Writing of Ansgar, what compels a demon hunter to buy a monster truck? What will our small time law enforcement do with a murder investigation and a serial dog killer on the loose with big dance coming up? 

Another minor character favorite of mine is Lenora. Lenora, AKA "an inter-dimensional emotion-stealing hoochie mama, is in love. She is really a former sex slave who fed on the emotions of demon hunters like Ansgar. What she said to her boyfriend's ex-wife, AKA the Birth Canal, upon meeting her should be mounted on a plaque or made into one of those E-cards.
someecards.com - Free divorces from psycho, bitchy wives! Limited time offer! You get to keep your money AND your kids! This time only!
Lenora's story line mingles with Evie and Ansgar's affair quite hilariously.

I am anxiously awaiting the next book in the series. I can not wait to learn what becomes of Meredith's counseling sessions? Will Lenora marry a demon hunter, too? Will Nicole eschew her man hating ways and fall for the dog whisperer? Will Evie ever curse in a well lit room? These are questions to which I want answers.
Rating :
If this book were a peach, I would eat it. B+

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Since I have your attention

I have not reviewed a book in some time due to my recent surgery. I hope to have something for you soon. Perhaps, another member of the team will post a review......


Moving on.
I want to share some of my thoughts with you.
Within the science fiction, paranormal and supernatural genres, I have developed my own special groupings. I like all of the sub-categories but these need extra special attention, I hope that you will agree.

Unapologetic Monster - Whiny people can suck the life out of any room. Whiny, self-loathing, depressed, or brooding monsters bore me. I have thrown books at walls in an expression of my irritation.  I would rather not do that anymore. I prefer the strong, will-bending, sexy vampire. Or the musk-scented, family-centered lycanthrope. Mmmm. The incantation sputtering wizard and the dead perceiving detectives have the best lives. And I can't forget the angels. I am not referring to the angry Fallen waiting for the gates of Heaven to open. I like reading about the winged watchers,  taloned warriors and feathery wealthy who live among and manipulate humanity.

Chamberpot Fantasy -  I like fantasy. I do. I do not like any fantasy story where a chamber pot is mentioned. You were thinking that this term referenced some dirty fetish, didn't you? You should pick up some children's literature. If the story has magical creatures, then the first order of business should be to create a spell to take care of the business. A fantasy book should not spoil my imagination by noting the lack of plumbing advances in the times of unicorns and wizards. To put it simply, I prefer urban fantasy. This horse and buggie stuff is for the 1980s.
I prefer stories about flying or flesh eating cars to those chronicling the quests of dragon riders or owls. Owls, really? Actually, I would read a good story with horses and wagons as long as the characters do not disembark to "go behind the bushes."

Fairy Cliterature - refers to the pan-sexual exploits of both human and non-human creatures that serve to make the reader just a little uncomfortable or horny.  Think cloaca/penis sex. Or better yet, do not imagine such a thing. Nothing good will come of such an imagination. Certainly not a popular book. On one hand, the prospect of reading about a wererat and a werehyena having relations while in their were form seems interesting. However, no one need ever go there. Moreover, the sexual habits that vampires and other fairy creatures accumulate during their long lives have endless possibilities. This of course leads to a scene in which a newly created vampire who fails to control her bloodlust while performing fellatio nearly bites her lover's little friend. If that is your type of literature, have fun with it. I will be skipping pages.

If authors and publishing companies used these additional categories, I could target my reading list. Do you have your own sub-categories for the Science Fiction genre?