Gilded Latten Bones - Witicisms from TunFaire

I have to admit it. I have discovered Steam Punk fiction. Unfortunately the genre often contains chamber pots. I still prefer urban fantasy for its cars and indoor plumbing but these books do rock. Detectives and the mysteries that follow them, I seem to love where ever they are.


I have two steam punk series that I devour whenever new books hit my library. I adore the Parasol Protectorate by Gail Carriger.; I own a few of her books. I follow Garrett PI when Glen Cook records his cases.

Today I will write about Garrett. Garrett is a private investigator, former marine living in the fantasy world of TunFaire along with elves, trolls, dwarves, minor gods, and vampires.
From the book jacket

For Garrett, P.I., loyalty and love come a close second to survival...

Garrett's attempt at domestic bliss with the fiery Tinnie Tate is sidetracked when he waylays a pair of home intruders and learns they've been paid by an unknown source to kidnap Tinnie. But as Garrett rushes to find out who is trying to push his buttons, his best friend is attacked. Now, Garrett has to track down both malefactors.

Unless they're really one and the same-in which case Garrett might be next...

Our retired hero is keeping house with his number one squeeze Tinnie Tate. He is getting a little pudgy around the middle and people have started ignore him. Garrett finds being ignored quite uncomfortable.  Despite this, our Garrett has created a boring existence far from the excitement found on Macunado Street until someone tries to kidnap Tinnie and murder his best pal Morely. Garrett returns to his detective and body-guarding past to solve the mystery. During the intriguing yet meandering story, Garrett makes new friends, finds old enemies and catches both a cold and the heart of a fearsome sorceress. Nice job!

I like Garret and Glen Cook. His characters have plain speak. No flowers, no silly analogies. Garrett is just a man who likes his beer and chamber pot nearby. His partner, the Dead Man, is a genius spirit who doesn't have to deal with the awkwardness of personal relationships.
Garrett doesn't have to pound the pavement in this story. Most of the action seems to either gravitate toward him or is reported to him. It gives a new meaning to being cooped up. Good thing Garrett has the sorceress, the stable manager, the restaurateur, the tracker, the beer deliveries, and night time flying to keep him busy.

When reading Gilded Latten Bones the reader is privy to the witticisms of our first-person protagonist. I have gathered a few for you.

Garret On Paranoia

I say that when you stop believing in weird conspiracies that involve scores of people who never break faith, you're fully ripe for the weird to come get you.

Garrett on MILFs with hot daughters

When I knew her Kevans had been pretending to be a boy. If she took after her mom she could make that leather smolder. Taking a wild shot a making Strafa feel better because her kid was weirdly built was one of those special moments that make me uniquely me.

Garrett On the opposite sex

A desirable woman who catches a man in bed in the middle of the night won't need to work hard to have her way.

Garrett On being underestimated

Someday I'll make a huge score because nobody will take me at face value. I could loot the Royal Mint, then run around yelling about how it was me that done it.

Garrett on the public's fascination with celebrities

And there was another reason Jon Salvation felt free to unleash his inner dick. People put up with it because he might cast them in a play.

As you can see Garrett's character has many, many fine points. This book is good for the first time reader and fans of the series. I encourage you to read it since it is packed with interesting characters and plot points for future exploration.

My score B+

Keith Hartman Monkey Stories

 

Publisher: CreateSpace (April 23, 2009)

I had the pleasure of stumbling upon Keith Hartman while hiding in the library stacks for some peace and quiet one day.  I found this little gem The Gumshoe, the Witch, and the Virtual Corpse. I read the original edition from 2001.  I loved it so much that I waited three weeks for the sequel to arrive into my library.   Both books were page turners. 

The original books had very strange technical programs.  I do not believe the publishers

Publisher: CreateSpace (December 8, 2009)

 hired a copy editor for the editions that I read. If you do not like reading errors like "cockpot" for "crockpit"  or "your" when "you're" is required, then I suggest that you read the 2009 editions of the books. At least, I hope those pesky errors were corrected.  If not, someone needs to hire a gay detective to find a copy editor. 


Oh, did I mention that this story has a gay detective?  
No. That would be the gumshoe mentioned in the titles.  The witch is his partner's friend and I never did understand who or what is a virtual corpse.
I loved the books.  I loved them so much that I want to the author to make more just for me.  Besides, he left a number of unfinished story lines in both books.  Shame on you Hartman for teasing me like that.
I like to tell you about his writing.  Freaking amazing.  Hartman has a gift. In this scene, the detective brings in the client's boyfriend to close the case.  You know what kind of case.

Skye was standing there, waiting.  I looked back at Charles. I have seen men who were being shot at who didn't look half as scared as he did. 

It is 2024, scientists have found the gene for homosexuality.  Charter schools have formed to perpetuate religious exclusivity or maybe the public school system finally just gave up.  The media creates a new boogeyman for every grassroots cause.  There is the Baptist News Network Religion which attacks everyone different.   The Cherokee nation is attempting to win back its rightful historical lands with help from China (who is tired of the US criticizing their stance on Tibet). Religious and sexual preferences have redistricted communities.  Advances in technology have virtually eliminated privacy.  And important people have a murderous need to protect themselves from the hint of a scandal. 

Hold on, isn't that happening now?  
 

• Facebook releases private information to third party applications, again.  
• A proposed Islamic community center has created huge opposition from some Christian organizations. 
• Don't Ask Don't Tell and Gay marriage are becoming constitutional issues.  
• A 2010 political candidate has been accused of witchcraft.  
• The Teaparty.  
• A well known minister has been accused of having homosexual relationships with minors.  
• Another candidate has been outed as a Nazi LARPer
• The MPAA just announced the difference between "male nudity" and plain ordinary "nudity."  (wtf?) 

All of it madness....  It is as if the psychic Hartman wrote his book in 2001 so that a reader can pick it up today and think, "This guy is like the Star Trek writers.  How did he know all this would become true? "

These books have all of it, nude pagans, gay hustlers, transvestite Shamans, mad artists, Baptist militia, a female pope, "devil-worshiping anti-Christian conspiracy" theory touting televangelists, artificial wombs, cloned actors, a cartoon animal totems and palmtops (forget the laptop). 

Oh. You want to know about the stories?

The Gumshoe and his psychic partner solve mysteries.  There you go. 
Seriously.  The stories are told from the viewpoints of various characters. This style takes some getting used to.  Despite this, the character's voices define this world full of its ironies and Hartman's social commentary. 

From the book jackets (I included the original artwork)

Meisha Merlin Pub., 1999

Welcome to 21st century Atlanta. During your stay, depending on your tastes, you can cruise gay midtown (I hear that the Inquisition Health Club has introduced manacles and chains to the aerobics class) or check out the Reverend-Senator Stonewall's headquarters at Freedom Plaza (watch out for the Christian Militia guarding it, though) or attend a sky-clad Wiccan sabbat (by invitation only). Avoid the courthouse, where the Cherokee have turned out in full war-paint to renegotiate a nineteenth century land deal. Also stay away from all cemeteries, at least until the police find out why someone is disinterring and crucifying corpses.

Meisha Merlin Pub,  2001

What had started as a simple case involving identical quintuplet actors cloned from the frozen corpse of a dead movie star was suddenly getting complicated. The pushy stage mom was to be expected, but the secret agents from the Cherokee nation came as a bit of a surprise, as did the lethal martial artist in the clown mask who had broken into his office. Nor had Drew planned on finding himself in the middle of a political death match between competing tele-ministeries. Besides, Drew had a personal score to settle, a little matter involving a privatized version of the KGB, a ring of male prostitutes, and a vampire sex cult.

I found it particularly humorous that the Baptists in his novels abort fetuses testing positive for the gay gene, assert that homosexuality is only found amongst those other evil religions (Catholic, Wiccan, Unitarian, etc.), and adopt non-gay embryos in order to provide them with a good home.   But that is just me.  
Love all the little children if they are straight and Baptist.  Come on, you know someone just like that.

I give this book an A.  I give the author a big fat D for not writing more stories about the Gumshoe and his psychic partner.  He has a great story and about 1/2 dozen open plots.  His version of Atlanta is unique, pretentious, fragmented and delightful.    I would want to visit it but I don't know where I would fit in.