Death Becomes Her

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I happened upon a series yesterday hanging around in the racks at the local library branch.

I found this book and after reading the first line, I knew that I wanted it.

When the black skull and crossbones carved into Alexander Blaine Underhill III’s left pec began to smoke, he knew tonight wasn’t the night he was going to get his newest cross-stitching tapestry finished.

From the book jacket

He needed a killer woman...
Blaine Underhill is one lucky man after having recently escaped a century and a half of imprisonment at the hands of an evil witch. Now he's determined to save his still-enslaved friend, but in order to do so, he'll need the help of one of the world's most lethal women.
She was drop dead gorgeous, literally...
Trinity Harpswell is sick and tired of being a Black Widow. Having managed to go three years without accidentally killing anyone she loves, she's one short week away from freeing herself from this killer curse forever.
When Blaine tracks her down and convinces her to help him, little does Trinity know that the next seven days are going to be murder!

Read at your own risk. There be spoilers below. 

It is not what you think, it is not about a sexy paranormal warrior who also crafts with a needle. I know, your dream man… 
It is about a slave who escapes a couple of hours of torture if he can prove that he has mastered a feminine art. The woman who inflicts this type of torture is none other than the witch Angelica, Death’s maternal grandmother.

This book is full of interesting characters.  

 Our heroine, Trinity Harpswell , is besties with Death’s personal assistant, Reina Knight. And, oh yeah, she is a Black Widow killer who is currently abstaining from killing her lovers. Which is why Reina is so keen to be her BFF; Reina is attracted to death like I am attracted to a shoe sale at Dillards.

It gets better. There’s this assassin who kills by turning people into pink dust. No word on if it is bubblegum flavored. He happens to target our heroine’s father for dusting after an unfortunate incident with a fork.

Death’s Grandpa, Napoleon, is back and he wants that girl who he dumped after she served him a batch of magic made cookies. She was really proud of those cookies, too. It took her three weeks to get off the floor and then a few hundred years of emasculating kidnapped boys to get over that hurt.

Napoleon gives a her an ultimatum, become his adoring, now-sexier wife or he smites her with her own black magic smut which she has been depositing into a fairy for the past 200 years turning said fairy into a deranged killer. 

Yes, she has a Fairy Smut Monster.

 
And then there is Blaine our hero and master at counted cross-stitch. It is a little awkward reading the inner most thoughts of a brutalized warrior who distracts himself from contemplating new patterns by thinking of gruesome disembowelment techniques to prove his manliness to himself.

Will Death stop his grandmother from abducting young boys and subjecting them to centuries of terror in her Den of Womanly Pursuits for a better business plan? Will Trinity save her father from becoming an ingredient in a pink smoothie? Will Blaine finally finish his counted cross-stitch pattern or kill the witch?

I can't wait to read more....

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