The Snarky Women's Guide to Modern Literature

A club of folks who read and review books we loathed, devoured or could not finish.

The reviewers are narcissistic and prone to PMS. You may find inane commentary, sarcastic maneuvering, hostile retorts, some bitch slapping, and lots of vodka induced posts.

Our Motto:
Some people avoid book clubs that behave like soap operas, we buy tickets to them.

P.S. If you don't want spoilers, move along.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

New Vamp, Needs a Job

source: http://books.google.com/
Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs
Publisher: Pocket Star
Author: Molly Harper

If I pick up a book and it doesn't grab me right away, I will download the electronic version from my library's website and load it onto my cell phone. Books on my cell phone help me pass the time away at the service centers, doctors' office, restaurants, and other times when I am without my knitting to keep me busy.

You know those times, when I find myself uttering "I can't get this hour of my life back."

Usually, it takes a few weeks to get through a book in this format.
First, I have the excitement for reading a new book and then the let down when I realize that I have read this character type already. This story gave me that "I have read this before" feeling initially.
I did have to pick the book up a few times to get through it after my initial disappointment...

What happens when a children's librarian becomes one of the blood thirsty undead?

Jane Jameson followed all the goals she created for herself.
  1. Complete highschool with high grades from Half Moon Hollow and attend college elsewhere.
  2. Put all those brains to work by obtaining master's degree in library science.
  3. Demonstrate your skills by organizing a thriving young readers program in your hometown's public library.

What could go wrong?
How about being fired from said job and replaced by the town pyromaniac?
Or getting sloppy drunk at the local bar using your severance gift certificate?
And finally dying in a drive-by shooting from a blind-drunk deer hunter after falling face-first into a ditch?
In that span of time when the dying Jane reflected on her life and its inevitable, undignified death, she is given a chance at un-death by a mysterious stranger.

This is her story

Jane has a slightly caustic sense of humor tempered with Southern hospitality. Like any vampire book reader, I find the sharp-tongued heroine to be literary joy-stealers. They are so prevalent in the genre that I just don't care to know why they are so contrary. While not an original character flaw, in this book I found her taunts, barbs, and sarcasm to be very entertaining. Read it for yourself.
Jane on taking a job at her mother's place of employment:
..Mama took at part-time job at A Stitch in Time, a shop that sold fabric and quilting supplies. In the five years she had worked there, I'd received quilted vests for every birthday and Christmas.
I hope this gives you some idea of what I was dealing with.
I couldn't visit my mother at the shop for more than a few minutes at a time. I had allergic reactions to fabric sizing and old women asking me when I was going to settle down. Working there would be my damnation to whatever circle of hell is dedicated to busybodies and fabric artists. 

The book has many colorful characters. Zeb the male best friend. Gabriel the sexy, mysterious vampire sire. Dick Cheney, Gabriel's foil. Andrea the blood surrogate. Missy the aggressive vampire realtor. The mother she "lives" to disappoint. The father who honored her with the horrible middle name. The sister that pretends she does not exist (even before her death). The grandmother who loves all of her husbands to their horrible deaths. And the ghost of a dead aunt who wears funny slogan t-shirts in her spirit form.
The story follows:
Jane and Gabriel's efforts to forge a relationship beyond that of child and master.
Jane's negotiations with her family regarding the delicate nature of inheritance property when the dearly departed doesn't have the good sense to remain dead.
Jane's complicated efforts of learning the intricacies of the vampire community while being accused of vampire murder and debauchery.

Good for Jane that she is a practical new vampire.
For example, when she receives bottled blood from a stranger she checks the safety seal before drinking it.
She is going to be all right.

I did enjoy this little novel by Molly Harper.
It gave me tons to laugh over and an atypical mystery for a vampire romance novel. The author wove a long story with clues just about everywhere.
Once I let go of my expectations for the book, I found a hilarious story I couldn't put down or wait until the sequel.

This of course was difficult for me since I had loaded the book onto my cell phone. I found myself reading it in bed, at red lights, during my lunch hour, and during the short walk to my office from my car.
According to the author's website there are three current books and a fourth book planned.

My score = B-

Monday, September 19, 2011

Magnolias and Demon spawn

Demon Hunting in Dixie by Lexi George
warrior, a demon, and the girl next door…

Addy Corwin is a florist with an attitude. A bad attitude, or so her mama says, ‘cause she’s not looking for a man. Mama’s wrong. Addy has looked. There’s just not much to choose from in Hannah, her small Alabama hometown. Until Brand Dalvahni shows up, a supernaturally sexy, breathtakingly well-built hunk of a warrior from—well, not from around here, that’s for sure. Mama thinks he might be European or maybe even a Yankee. Brand says he’s from another dimension.

Addy couldn’t care less where he’s from. He’s gorgeous. Serious muscles. Disturbing green eyes. Brand really gets her going. Too bad he’s a whack job. Says he’s come to rescue her from a demon. Puh-lease. But right after Brand shows up, strange things start to happen. Dogs talk and reanimated corpses stalk the quite streets of Hannah. Her mortal enemy Meredith, otherwise known as the Death Starr, breaks out in a severe and inexplicable case of butt boils. Addy might not know what’s going on, but she definitely wants a certain sexy demon hunter by her side when it all goes down…



Big warrior guy comes to town to fight some baddies. Small town girl puts herself in harms way in order to protect the handsome stranger. Big warrior guy remains to protect small town girl who is not injured. Other big warrior types come to town to collect missing warrior who is now smitten with small town girl. Small town girl insists that she can handle herself and conjures a kitten to become her new bodyguard.
You just will love this book.
Lexi George has a talent for spinning a fun story set in a small southern town with colorful characters. She takes great care in describing the local attractions, small businesses, and overbearing mothers.
Southern women have wonderful manners. I thank Lexi George for teaching me how to handle awkward situations with southern sensitivities:

What do you do when your dog suddenly begins talking to you? Keep listening, he probably has more to say than most of your friends.

How do you respond when a demon claims you for his own? Sarcasm

What is the proper form when an alien demon-hunter decides to become your personal body-guard? Introduce him to your southern match-making mamma as an European. 

What is the proper etiquette for handling an ambulatory corpse the day of his funeral? Send the flowers, personally.

How do you entertain thousand year old inter-dimensional warriors? Take them to the local barbecue joint. Order the whole hog.

What is the best way to mark sobriety after 20 years of drunkenness? Plan a wedding.


What is the difference between tacky and trashy?

Tacky is wearing white dress shoes to church before Easter, and trashy is going to church on Palm Sunday wearing white dress shoes and no underwear.
Ah... This is a great story. I read it in two days. It made me laugh, cringe, and want more. It combines my favorite genres, science fiction and humor with a dash of adult love.

A recipe for a very funny book


My score A-;
I am taking off for the kitten abuse. :p




Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Summer designs

I have been fortunate not to read any silly books this summer.
Therefore, nothing to report.
I would like to take the time to write about one of my favorite authors.

Leslie Esdaile Banks

I read two of her series the Vampire Huntress and the Crimson Moon. I loved both of them. The first for the diversity of religions and people of color. The Crimson Moon series because she reinvented the werewolf genre with her characters. I loved all of them.

Yummy Carlos
Max Hunter yummier

Check out the books for yourself

You will enjoy the way she creates her worlds
How she respects and pays homage to major religions of the world
How she make you use Google and Wikipedia to follow the action
How she imagines her worlds and the diversity of the people in it
How she re imaged paranormal romance and science fiction with brown, yellow and black characters

Good bye L. A. Banks
I hope that you inspired the next generation of Black female Science Fiction and Paranormal Romance authors.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

No Snark for June

Amazing as it may seem but I have not read any books that warranted an Okra and Glue review this month. The pick-your-own adventure book sitting my desk looks promising.
Cheers!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Gilded Latten Bones - Witicisms from TunFaire

I have to admit it. I have discovered Steam Punk fiction. Unfortunately the genre often contains chamber pots. I still prefer urban fantasy for its cars and indoor plumbing but these books do rock. Detectives and the mysteries that follow them, I seem to love where ever they are.


I have two steam punk series that I devour whenever new books hit my library. I adore the Parasol Protectorate by Gail Carriger.; I own a few of her books. I follow Garrett PI when Glen Cook records his cases.

Today I will write about Garrett. Garrett is a private investigator, former marine living in the fantasy world of TunFaire along with elves, trolls, dwarves, minor gods, and vampires.
From the book jacket

For Garrett, P.I., loyalty and love come a close second to survival...

Garrett's attempt at domestic bliss with the fiery Tinnie Tate is sidetracked when he waylays a pair of home intruders and learns they've been paid by an unknown source to kidnap Tinnie. But as Garrett rushes to find out who is trying to push his buttons, his best friend is attacked. Now, Garrett has to track down both malefactors.

Unless they're really one and the same-in which case Garrett might be next...


Our retired hero is keeping house with his number one squeeze Tinnie Tate. He is getting a little pudgy around the middle and people have started ignore him. Garrett finds being ignored quite uncomfortable.  Despite this, our Garrett has created a boring existence far from the excitement found on Macunado Street until someone tries to kidnap Tinnie and murder his best pal Morely. Garrett returns to his detective and body-guarding past to solve the mystery. During the intriguing yet meandering story, Garrett makes new friends, finds old enemies and catches both a cold and the heart of a fearsome sorceress. Nice job!

I like Garret and Glen Cook. His characters have plain speak. No flowers, no silly analogies. Garrett is just a man who likes his beer and chamber pot nearby. His partner, the Dead Man, is a genius spirit who doesn't have to deal with the awkwardness of personal relationships.
Garrett doesn't have to pound the pavement in this story. Most of the action seems to either gravitate toward him or is reported to him. It gives a new meaning to being cooped up. Good thing Garrett has the sorceress, the stable manager, the restaurateur, the tracker, the beer deliveries, and night time flying to keep him busy.

When reading Gilded Latten Bones the reader is privy to the witticisms of our first-person protagonist. I have gathered a few for you.

Garret On Paranoia
I say that when you stop believing in weird conspiracies that involve scores of people who never break faith, you're fully ripe for the weird to come get you.

Garrett on MILFs with hot daughters
When I knew her Kevans had been pretending to be a boy. If she took after her mom she could make that leather smolder. Taking a wild shot a making Strafa feel better because her kid was weirdly built was one of those special moments that make me uniquely me.
Garrett On the opposite sex
A desirable woman who catches a man in bed in the middle of the night won't need to work hard to have her way.
Garrett On being underestimated

Someday I'll make a huge score because nobody will take me at face value. I could loot the Royal Mint, then run around yelling about how it was me that done it.
Garrett on the public's fascination with celebrities
And there was another reason Jon Salvation felt free to unleash his inner dick. People put up with it because he might cast them in a play.
As you can see Garrett's character has many, many fine points. This book is good for the first time reader and fans of the series. I encourage you to read it since it is packed with interesting characters and plot points for future exploration.
My score B+

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Wicked City - WTFery?

I have been wanting to read this book since I learned of it a few years back. In the 90s I watched an anime titled Wicked City. I loved it. It was strange but the entertaining. I was curious about the light novel upon which it was based.  I have it now. And here is the review.

Taki, our hero is a fabulous guy with a fabulous life.
He works for the sooper sekrit  Black Guardand an ordinary electronic company. He has two bosses but they occupy the same office so he doesn't have to make two trips. As a Black Guard he protects mankind from malevolent demons using highly developed psychic powers.
He is so fabulous, that he is given the once in a lifetime opportunity to escort the famous Guiseppe Mayart, a lecherous hermit. The upcoming Peace Treaty signing requires Mayart's presence. Teamed with Maki, a Black Guard from the demon side, they traverse Tokyo communities, bars, parks, subways, streets, and strip clubs  with Mayart in tow. Often dragging him out of dangerous locations and away from murderous demons who want to make meals out of humans not peace.

We learn about the demons through Taki's first person narration.  It seems that our mythology has been an attempt by our human minds to frame demon interactions. For example, centaurs, the Minotaur and Kirin were all demons. From the demons, humans learned magic and gained power from us the demons ate well or emigrated to our land. Throughout the ages treaties have ensured peace and emigration but to keep all the players in line the Black Guard was formed.
In some ways the book is full of ludicrous examples of perversion and misogyny. There are some scenes in the book that make it not appropriate for younger readers.
Black out inducing orgasms. Soul absorbing demons. Rape. Vagina Dentata like you have never seen.  Mayarts overt desire to have sex with everyone he meets  and in every place he enters. And finally, Taki's inexplicable sexual desire for Maki during horrific events would confuse a younger reader. At least it should certainly disturb one. 

The novel was written in the 1980s. I had to keep that in mind while I read it. Today, I would expect more gratuitous sex and unnecessary violence.  More kick-assness from the female lead and a more conspiracy laden back story for the Black Guard. It is a quick read,  even with the WTF moments.
I give it a C+

Friday, April 15, 2011

In Honor of Poem in Your Pocket Day

Enjoy one of my favorite poems for Poem in Your Pocket Day
I Meant To Do My Work Today
I meant to do my work today,
But a brown bird sang in the apple tree,
And a butterfly flitted across the field,
And all the leaves were calling me.
And the wind went sighing over the land,
Tossing the grasses to and fro,
And a rainbow held out its shining hand,
So what could I do but laugh and go?

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Chamber Pot Fantasy - Hatching a Witchling

Today's book has women of interspecies heritage who carve a role for themselves within a earth based police system with their paranormal powers.


From the book jacket
We’re the D’Artigo sisters: Half-human, half-Faerie, we’re savvy – and sexy – operatives for the Otherworld Intelligence Agency.  But our mixed-blood heritage short-circuits our talents at all the wrong times.; My sister Delilah shapeshifts into a tabby cat whenever she’d stressed. Menolly’s a vampire who still trying to get the hang of being undead. And me? I’m Camille – a wicked-good witch. Except my magic’s as unpredictable as the weather, which my enemies are about to find out the hard way…
At the Wayfarer Inn, a portal to Otherworld and the local hangout for humans and beasties alike, a fellow operative, Jocko, has been murdered. Every clue points to Shadow Wing, the soul-munching, bad-ass leader of the Subterranean Realms. He's made it clear that he aims to raze humankind to the ground, turning both Earth and Otherworld into his private playground.
Our assignment: keep Shadow Wing and his minions from creeping into Earth via the Wayfarer. The demons figure they're in like Flynn.; After all, with only my bumbling sisters and me standing in the way, how can they miss? But we've got a secret for them: Faulty wiring or not, nobody kicks ass like the D'Artigo girls…



Consider this, a covert operative with a less than perfect family life must save the world and prove her value to her family and her self at the same time.


I know that many an urban fantasy author create female characters with awful homelives. In fact, I found an author's blog dedicated to this phenomenon. In this book we have it and more. I got the feeling that the sisters have guilt for fitting in so well in the human world in spite of their halfling heritage. Because of this guilt they romanticize Otherworld and speak of their longing to return. In reality, Otherworld is corrupt and run by opiate abusers. Their father would rather they remain Earthside.
I am interested to see how this conflict will develop throughout the series.


I didn't mind that she and her sisters have less than perfect powers. Camille our witch narrator, can never be sure that a spell she performs will work as planned.  Even though they have been given huge responsibilities on Earthside they don't seem to be well connected within the Otherworld system and its Queen. Or know much about the third realm, the Subterreanean Realm of  "not very good creatures." I assume that the subsequent books explain why these three have been chosen.



 The book is listed as a paranormal romance. I detest misleading descriptions. So, I will spare you the irritation, if you think that shopping for sexy underwear while you are in the middle of a mystery that could prevent the deaths of many is sexy then this is your kind of romance. That was about it for romance in this story.
I should mention the book starts very slow. I had trouble getting to the second half but once the dragon appeared I was sucked into the story. No. I will not elaborate on that. Overall, I thought there were too many characters introduced throughout the book. Every few pages another fairy creature or demon had to be introduced and his/her heritage described. 

I did take note of the dragon.

A friend asked me if I read fantasy. I explained that I do but I detest chamber pot fantasy.
Expectantly, his hairy eyebrows showed confusion. He may have stuttered when he asked, "chamberpots?"
Right, chamberpots.
I am talking about Technology. I don't read fantasy if there is no technology. I think Camille said it best after she rolled out of bed one night.
Thirsty, I slipped out of bed and padded into the bathroom, where I poured myself a glass of water. Technology and its wonders. Gotta love it, I thought.
Technology.
I am not reading a story without some kind of technology. And I don't mean where magic is the technology. And dammit, a story where living with running water on demand is preferential to living in a land made entirely of magic. Call me a technophiliac. I don't care.


Now that I have read the fantasy story, I give it a B-.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

The Books of the South: Tales of the Black Company


This is actually the fourth book in the Tales of the Black Company. The first three I read awhile back as a compilation. I was surprised that I enjoyed the story/stories as much as I did since they are a war saga. The series is described by Steven Erikson as being "like Vietnam War fiction on peyote" and I think that is definitely a better description than one I could come up with.

In the previous three books we were introduced to the Black Company. This is a band of professional mercenaries who have been traveling for well over 400 years (they are not immortal, except maybe the two wizards, One Eye and Goblin). They are also, incidentally, the last of their kind, all of the other companies had dissolved or gone back to the South. They were brought up to the North, further than the company had ever gone, to serve the Lady and her Taken. The Lady is/was a sorcerer of immense power who, with her fallen husband, the Dominator, had conquered a vast empire. These two powers were such that they could, and did, 'take' the strongest wizards and bend them into their service. All were conquered at one point and laid to rest in the barrowlands but (oops) they were all accidentally awakened, except the Dominator who was purposely left buried, and immediately got up to their old tricks. Enter the legend of the White Rose. This is a woman who was destined to defeat them, again, and this is a large part of the reason that the Black Company was brought into service. To make a long story short, the White Rose popped up and was warring with the Lady but then the Dominator started to work his way out. They teamed up to take him down and in the end the Taken were all killed and the Lady was stripped of her powers but, most importantly, the Dominator was put down again.
Now, as I get into the Books of the South you may see mention of people and events that were tied into the previous three books but that can't be helped. So onward soldiers!

We pick up with Croaker (former annalist and now Captain), Goblin, One Eye, Otto and Hagop. They are all that is left of the 'original' Black Company. I say original but the company is composed of men, men die and new men enlist. They had picked up another man, Murgen, as they defected from the empire and the Lady, now stripped of her vast powers, rides with them. They are a broken band and without the means to continue their mercenary work, Croaker has decided that it is time to take the Company 'home'. Home, or at least where the Black Company had originated from hundreds of years ago, was Khatovar, a city that lies to the furthest south of any known map. The journey to get to Khatovar will cover thousands of miles. From descriptions, imagine that you are starting off around the Northwestern area of Russia and walking or riding a horse to the very southern tip of Africa. Sounds very much like a quest to me.

Making their way south through the empire turns out to be relatively easy. Even though the Taken are gone and the Lady has no powers left to her, for the most part the administration of the empire is unchanged. Stealth and bluster are more than enough to get them through and as they go, here and there they pick up a man or two. They have a few skirmishes with bandits grown brazen in the slight loosening of the grip of the imperial forces but nothing terribly dangerous. It is when they finally get to the outer edge of the empire that they will face harsher challenges.

As they travel along, the long ignored attraction between Croaker and the Lady grows. Unfortunately, every time they are alone and have the ability to consummate their 'feelings' for each other something pops up. Whether it is Croaker's obliviousness and/or mishandling of the Lady's signals or a band of assassins, they just can't seem to find time to actually 'do it.'

Meanwhile there are powers far to the south who have become aware of their presence and their intention to reach Khatovar. These beings are sorcerers of some strength called Shadowmasters. They are a group of four, all with that catchy 'Shadow' in their names. It is through these new players in the game that most of their troubles come.

After passing through a patch of jungle, the Black Company comes to a river that will take them further south and on to the next part of their journey. In the town that lies on the bank of the river they discover that there is a band of warriors who are descendants of the Black Company from their initial trek northward. These warriors are a separate sect in their society, and it appears that they have been waiting to join up with their fore-bearers for centuries. About 20 or 30 of these warriors are selected to join up with the Black Company.

So the group has grown now from a handful to almost enough for a small military unit. Which is a good thing since the river passage is blockaded by a pirate and he cannot be budged. This is a notable 'road block' because it is revealed that one of the Taken, Shifter, has in fact survived and is shadowing the company. The Lady finally admits to knowing this and assures Croaker that for now, at least, his goals are mirroring the goals of the Black Company. Namely, to get past the pirate blockade. Croaker and his men arm up a barge and set all sorts of nasty tricks into place and head off down the river. When they meet up with the pirates, it turns out to be a very good thing that Shifter is along because the pirates are led by a powerful wizard. It isn't until the pirates are defeated and they hear a familiar howling on the wind that they realize who they've been fighting...The Howler, another of the Taken.

They press on and enter a large city (description of the city and the people sounds like India) where they are approached by the prince to serve him in his war against the Shadowmasters. Croaker has no interest in signing on to another commission, he just wants to return his annals to Khatovar but to get through the Shadowlands, he will have no choice but to fight and defeat the Shadowmasters. No safe passage for the Black Company, sorry...

Croaker and Lady build an army out of the citizens and, even though they are not well trained or seasoned, use this force to kick the crap out of the first Shadowmaster. They press on and manage to take the fortress of the second but in an ensuing battle they lose the bulk of their men and are pressed back into the fortress, now under siege. Worse than that though is that Croaker takes an arrow through his chest and after all is said and done, his body cannot be found. He is presumed dead by everyone, including the Lady who mourns him deeply (especially since they finally found time to make with the nookie).

Now the Lady has taken over the annals and while she still plans on leading the Black Company to Khatovar eventually, her real mission is to destroy all of the Shadowmasters and their army for some good old fashioned revenge. She is 'adopted' by a secret sect of religious assassins who assist her in rebuilding her army. This comes in quite handy for her as she has at least a few loyal people, in a patriarchal society this is a necessity.

As she mourns she focuses her energies on rebuilding the now scattered and factional army. She has a few interesting exploits along the way but while she makes plans to avenge Croaker's death, it turns out that Croaker is very much alive. Alive and hostage to Soulcatcher, another Taken, and also the Lady's sister-turned-attempted-assassin. Soulcatcher had been beheaded but that wasn't enough to kill her apparently. She just carried her head with her in a box.
Soulcatcher's role in this is merely a plot to hurt her sister as badly as she can. Croaker has become a pawn, one she is intent on seducing though he holds out against her.
Sheer luck allows Croaker to escape from Soulcatcher. One of the Shadowmasters has Howler 'kidnap' her while she is in the city, posing as her sister. The Lady finally learns that her beloved is alive and well and things seem set for a happy ending.

Meanwhile, the Lady is largely successful in rebuilding her army and though she is ill, she still cements her ties with her religious assassins by undergoing some rituals and such. She doesn't think to much of it, it is merely a means to an end for her. If she had known she was pregnant and not sick, she might have thought better of it. When she was too far along, she cloisters herself to give birth. Shortly after, a band of the assassins breaks into her rooms, kills her guards and steals the baby.

Then we pick up with Raven, former guardian of the White Rose.

What? Where did that come from? Two thirds of the book were all about the Lady and Croaker and now out of nowhere we are thrown all the way back to the beginning of the Black Company's journey, literally a few days after they left the barrowlands??
Yep.

I'm not going to cover this section of the book too well. Suffice to say that another Taken, Limper, is revived (which is kind of interesting since all that was left of him was his head) and the silver spike that the 'soul' of the Dominator was trapped in is stolen. Blah, blah, blah...the White Rose with the Tree God's minions/creatures take Limper down, Raven really gets killed (no more faking his death) and the spike and Limper's head are tossed into another plane of existence. I think we will see more of Toadkiller Dog later though.

This book of the Black Company managed to suck me in as thoroughly as the previous three. Generally speaking, war books, you know with bloody battles and all that, have never really appealed to me but the characters in these stories are really well rounded and you find yourself understanding them and relating to them on many levels. The fact that wizards and magic are such a strong part of the story is rendered completely normal and acceptable. The descriptions of locations and events is particularly well done, dare I say, vivid?
I admit I was completely thrown off by the abrupt switch from Croaker/Lady to Raven/White Rose and I'm not sure that the second storyline really belonged with the first, but regardless, both stories are amazingly told.

Overall I would recommend this series to just about anyone. It takes a little bit of work to get into the story as a whole, plan on a couple of chapters worth just to get your bearings, but once you get involved with the characters you will probably find yourself enjoying them and looking forward to the next installment. (Cough, cough, hint, Frizzy)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

When someone does it better

I want to recommend some reading
This blog post about Susan Lucci is perfect for Okra and Glue readers.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Moonshine by Rob Thurman

I have a little sister. We are 2.5 years apart. I actively made her life miserable for 16 years of her life. She was spared my sisterly dislike when I went away to college. The joke was on me because I joined a sorority and had to learn to be sisterly. She definitely benefited from that experience. I must declare that I am a great sister now. 

I used to tell people that I had not been properly prepared for her birth. She had a rough life being born 4 days after a major holiday. I was born in the summer. So family members thinking themselves clever would give her gifts on MY BIRTHDAY. I resented her for that. I didn't care that she didn't get a buttload of gifts in December. 

My mom delighted in dressing us alike. I think it was just lazy on her part to find two separate outfits. I hated it. 

Fortunately, I am an adult now. I have my life she has hers. We get a long great!
When I picked up this tale about two brothers, I did not anticipate that it would make me nostalgic. Unlike my sister and I, the brothers, Nik and Cal Leandros have been close since birth. Where as, I placed pins in the floor at age 6 in the hopes that my sister would step on it resulting in a bloody sock on my own foot; Nik has protected his little brother from monsters since he was eight. My sister went unscathed by the way.

Nik and Cal share a gypsy mother. Unlike Nik, Cal knows who is father was. He killed him. Nik began as four years older than Cal but now they are two years apart. To understand that you will need to read the first book Nightlife.

In Nightlife, we learn that the monsters are the auphe or elves. Monsters that other monsters fear. At the top of the food chain for eons, they found themselves outbred by the descendants of cave dwellers. Cal as a halfling is both the auphe heir and the cause of their extinction. Nik is a one man killing machine who wears a coat of many arms. With each page, I never knew what would come out of Nik's coat, a bat'leth, a witchblade, or elven rope. The possibilities had no limits.  My sister was a cheerleader and played softball. I ran track, generally competing for last and second to last place at all the meets. But I was smart and she was popular. I won!

My sister and I would play practical jokes on one another. Mom was annoyed. Nik and Cal like to spar in their second floor apartment. Neighbors be damned!

In Moonshine, the brothers have started a private detective/body guarding business. With Cal's level of laziness completely outlined in the first book, I wondered how the author could convince me that this whole entrepreneurial venture would work. Rob Thurman, added a third and sometimes fourth partner in vampire Promise Nottinger and the pansexual puck, Robin Goodfellow. The foursome make a fierce team, despite the awkward love triangle between the human, puck and vampire. Cal's love life is simple. He avoids it. He avoids fantasizing about the psychic George, with her red curls, dark skin and scent of sunlight.
I'd smelled her coming. Honey and oatmeal soap, the orange and clove shampoo, and underneath it all was the scent of Georgina. Sunlight. Don't ask  me how someone can smell like sunlight. I don't know. It was corny and trite and simple truth. Luckily for me she also smelled of shockingly mundane toothpaste, minty and completely ordinary it let me keep at least one foot on solid ground -- at least that's what I stubbornly told myself.
That is, until she goes missing. From that point on the group focus all their efforts on returning George. Cal would have us believe it was to return her home to her family. After which he would extricate himself from her life completely to keep her safe.
I believed that like I believed my sister would pay on my Fashion Bug bill that she ran up buying school clothing... . Mom had to get involved with that one.

In this book we meet werewolves. I like the undervalued character of the albino wolf, Flay. I hope that you will as well. I especially liked imagining him wearing a tank top and flip flops with gnarled toes and a soft white pelt of fur covering his body.

Rob Thurman throws in a fantastic road trip. I loved it. 

Cal considers himself to be a monster because of his father's heritage. Nik wants to save Cal from his own dark thoughts. That is a true brother. Nik will always have Cal's back. Cal will always lean on it.

My sister has two daughters 15 years apart. I think I will call her and ask her how the potty training and college visits are going. That is how I am a good sister.

My score A for awesome!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Since I have your attention

I have not reviewed a book in some time due to my recent surgery. I hope to have something for you soon. Perhaps, another member of the team will post a review......


Moving on.
I want to share some of my thoughts with you.
Within the science fiction, paranormal and supernatural genres, I have developed my own special groupings. I like all of the sub-categories but these need extra special attention, I hope that you will agree.

Unapologetic Monster - Whiny people can suck the life out of any room. Whiny, self-loathing, depressed, or brooding monsters bore me. I have thrown books at walls in an expression of my irritation.  I would rather not do that anymore. I prefer the strong, will-bending, sexy vampire. Or the musk-scented, family-centered lycanthrope. Mmmm. The incantation sputtering wizard and the dead perceiving detectives have the best lives. And I can't forget the angels. I am not referring to the angry Fallen waiting for the gates of Heaven to open. I like reading about the winged watchers,  taloned warriors and feathery wealthy who live among and manipulate humanity.

Chamberpot Fantasy -  I like fantasy. I do. I do not like any fantasy story where a chamber pot is mentioned. You were thinking that this term referenced some dirty fetish, didn't you? You should pick up some children's literature. If the story has magical creatures, then the first order of business should be to create a spell to take care of the business. A fantasy book should not spoil my imagination by noting the lack of plumbing advances in the times of unicorns and wizards. To put it simply, I prefer urban fantasy. This horse and buggie stuff is for the 1980s.
I prefer stories about flying or flesh eating cars to those chronicling the quests of dragon riders or owls. Owls, really? Actually, I would read a good story with horses and wagons as long as the characters do not disembark to "go behind the bushes."

Fairy Cliterature - refers to the pan-sexual exploits of both human and non-human creatures that serve to make the reader just a little uncomfortable or horny.  Think cloaca/penis sex. Or better yet, do not imagine such a thing. Nothing good will come of such an imagination. Certainly not a popular book. On one hand, the prospect of reading about a wererat and a werehyena having relations while in their were form seems interesting. However, no one need ever go there. Moreover, the sexual habits that vampires and other fairy creatures accumulate during their long lives have endless possibilities. This of course leads to a scene in which a newly created vampire who fails to control her bloodlust while performing fellatio nearly bites her lover's little friend. If that is your type of literature, have fun with it. I will be skipping pages.

If authors and publishing companies used these additional categories, I could target my reading list. Do you have your own sub-categories for the Science Fiction genre?