Happy Hour of the Damned: Drinks and Fingered Foods

I have a fear of zombies. It is a real fear. While I do not believe in vampires, demons or were-creatures, I do believe that zombies are within the realm of modern day existence.

I have recurring nightmares of zombies. I avoid zombie movies. They directly lead to nightmares.

In contrast. Zombie books. I do not avoid. I read them. I read them looking for information that will help to me survive the upcoming zombie war. This book was not one of those informative tomes.

Lately, I have been reading non-apologetic creature books. I refer to books about supernatural creatures that do not subject themselves to vegan or non-human diets or abstain from other nefarious acts against humanity in order to survive. It was the whining that bothered me.

I mean... A sober Vamp is a dead vamp. A ghoul must to eat. The were-creature who does not dance under the moonlight is dangerously grumpy. The necromancer has skeletons in her closet. That is where they need to stay for all of our safety.A demon that doesn't collect souls will  be shot back to Hell.

After reading some Felix Gomez, undead private eye, I picked up this Amanda Feral book. Happy Hour of the Damned is the first in what I hope to be an undead series from Mark Henry.

Imagine spending your entire life striving to be in the popular group since high school. Imagine never finding satisfaction with wearing the richest clothes and shoes, having a great apartment, a luxurious car, a professional and rich boyfriend, getting into the best clubs, invited to exclusive parties, competing with the best in your industry, and striking absolute fear into your subordinates everyday.

I know crazy, right?

Despite all of her money, influence and resources Amanda had not find her clique. Her special group of BFFs to make her life complete and accept her completely without looking at her back while imagining the best location to hide their knives - blade in first.

Then one day Amanda falls flat on her face and her life changes forever.

I think she expresses it best here:

You know, I could just sit here and ramble on about the nightmare of being dead, eating helpless people, breaking and entering, not having circadian rhythms. I could tell you that I was horrified with the direction my life had taken. I'm on a downward spiral into a vision of Hell not glimpsed since a Nine Inch video. Blah, blah, blah. Who wants to hear it? It's not true, anyway. The truth is this: I wasn't enjoying life when I was alive. Now that I'm dead, its' gonna be another story.

She doesn't need this book. She is going to wing it. That is with her right hand zombie gal pal Wendy, the man-whore vamp Gil, and the soul sucking demon Liesl. If only I had friends like her. The four of them party around Seattle having the times of their "lives."

 That is until, someone starts kidnapping members of the supernatural community and all zombie hell starts breaking loose at local Starbucks shops. What will Seattle do?
No worries. Amanda Feral is on the case.
Queue disembodied deep voice....
Will the undead gang will save the vampires, were-creatures, reapers and demons from fates worse than death without Black Magic cocktails?

Black Magic = 1 1/2 oz vodka, 3/4 oz Kahlua, dash lemon juice. Served in a Collins glass with ice.



I give this book an A for being funny, witty,  fast paced and full of great cocktail recipes. Pick it up so that we can toast to more stories of Amanda's night life.

The Bard Vampire

Shakespeare Undead by Lori Handeland

A quick fun read.
The creature known as Will Shakespeare can raise the dead, has supernatural strength, avoids the morning sun, drinks blood, and composes sonnets.  Two plagues interrupt his creative process; the bubonic infection and the walking undead.  The victims of the latter will crack open even a vampires head in search for brains.  Strangely, the country attribute a staggered gate, decaying skin, murderous brain eating behavior and "Brrrr" moaning with the symptoms of an infection.
On a walk to clear his head and find inspiration for his next play, he encounters a zombie horde. He is saved from losing his brains by his new muse the Dark Lady of Sonnets.  The story follows the strange romance between the fair youth of historical debate and immortal bard.

As the story continued, I cared less for historical accuracy. The London plague backstory hid the origin and existence of the undead.Shakepeare and his Dark Lady follow the mystery and their own sexual attraction to discover its source and uncover the greatest conspiracy of the time.
In this scene as Will gazes upon the perfect chest of his beloved Dark Lady, he hears a shuffle sound just beyond his sight. As he takes in the smell of roses emanating from his lover's skin, he is mildly aware of the scent of decay. Then out of the darkness....

"Br," said a voice, "Br-br-brrrrrrr!!"


“Fate,” Will muttered, “is a vicious, vicious bitch.”

Handeland has crafted a mash up story of historical figures, romance, humor and paranormal mystery. She uses two point of views; first person for the Dark Lady and third person for the Bard.There seemed to be no reason for this. Neither perspective provided significant insight to the plot. The silly, well written, book reads quickly, will remind you of your British Literature class, and makes you laugh in spite of yourself.
I give it a solid B.

Karma Girl: Read and Review

Karma Girl: Read and Review
By our podcast reviewer!

Keith Hartman Monkey Stories

 

Publisher: CreateSpace (April 23, 2009)

I had the pleasure of stumbling upon Keith Hartman while hiding in the library stacks for some peace and quiet one day.  I found this little gem The Gumshoe, the Witch, and the Virtual Corpse. I read the original edition from 2001.  I loved it so much that I waited three weeks for the sequel to arrive into my library.   Both books were page turners. 

The original books had very strange technical programs.  I do not believe the publishers

Publisher: CreateSpace (December 8, 2009)

 hired a copy editor for the editions that I read. If you do not like reading errors like "cockpot" for "crockpit"  or "your" when "you're" is required, then I suggest that you read the 2009 editions of the books. At least, I hope those pesky errors were corrected.  If not, someone needs to hire a gay detective to find a copy editor. 


Oh, did I mention that this story has a gay detective?  
No. That would be the gumshoe mentioned in the titles.  The witch is his partner's friend and I never did understand who or what is a virtual corpse.
I loved the books.  I loved them so much that I want to the author to make more just for me.  Besides, he left a number of unfinished story lines in both books.  Shame on you Hartman for teasing me like that.
I like to tell you about his writing.  Freaking amazing.  Hartman has a gift. In this scene, the detective brings in the client's boyfriend to close the case.  You know what kind of case.

Skye was standing there, waiting.  I looked back at Charles. I have seen men who were being shot at who didn't look half as scared as he did. 

It is 2024, scientists have found the gene for homosexuality.  Charter schools have formed to perpetuate religious exclusivity or maybe the public school system finally just gave up.  The media creates a new boogeyman for every grassroots cause.  There is the Baptist News Network Religion which attacks everyone different.   The Cherokee nation is attempting to win back its rightful historical lands with help from China (who is tired of the US criticizing their stance on Tibet). Religious and sexual preferences have redistricted communities.  Advances in technology have virtually eliminated privacy.  And important people have a murderous need to protect themselves from the hint of a scandal. 

Hold on, isn't that happening now?  
 

• Facebook releases private information to third party applications, again.  
• A proposed Islamic community center has created huge opposition from some Christian organizations. 
• Don't Ask Don't Tell and Gay marriage are becoming constitutional issues.  
• A 2010 political candidate has been accused of witchcraft.  
• The Teaparty.  
• A well known minister has been accused of having homosexual relationships with minors.  
• Another candidate has been outed as a Nazi LARPer
• The MPAA just announced the difference between "male nudity" and plain ordinary "nudity."  (wtf?) 

All of it madness....  It is as if the psychic Hartman wrote his book in 2001 so that a reader can pick it up today and think, "This guy is like the Star Trek writers.  How did he know all this would become true? "

These books have all of it, nude pagans, gay hustlers, transvestite Shamans, mad artists, Baptist militia, a female pope, "devil-worshiping anti-Christian conspiracy" theory touting televangelists, artificial wombs, cloned actors, a cartoon animal totems and palmtops (forget the laptop). 

Oh. You want to know about the stories?

The Gumshoe and his psychic partner solve mysteries.  There you go. 
Seriously.  The stories are told from the viewpoints of various characters. This style takes some getting used to.  Despite this, the character's voices define this world full of its ironies and Hartman's social commentary. 

From the book jackets (I included the original artwork)

Meisha Merlin Pub., 1999

Welcome to 21st century Atlanta. During your stay, depending on your tastes, you can cruise gay midtown (I hear that the Inquisition Health Club has introduced manacles and chains to the aerobics class) or check out the Reverend-Senator Stonewall's headquarters at Freedom Plaza (watch out for the Christian Militia guarding it, though) or attend a sky-clad Wiccan sabbat (by invitation only). Avoid the courthouse, where the Cherokee have turned out in full war-paint to renegotiate a nineteenth century land deal. Also stay away from all cemeteries, at least until the police find out why someone is disinterring and crucifying corpses.

Meisha Merlin Pub,  2001

What had started as a simple case involving identical quintuplet actors cloned from the frozen corpse of a dead movie star was suddenly getting complicated. The pushy stage mom was to be expected, but the secret agents from the Cherokee nation came as a bit of a surprise, as did the lethal martial artist in the clown mask who had broken into his office. Nor had Drew planned on finding himself in the middle of a political death match between competing tele-ministeries. Besides, Drew had a personal score to settle, a little matter involving a privatized version of the KGB, a ring of male prostitutes, and a vampire sex cult.

I found it particularly humorous that the Baptists in his novels abort fetuses testing positive for the gay gene, assert that homosexuality is only found amongst those other evil religions (Catholic, Wiccan, Unitarian, etc.), and adopt non-gay embryos in order to provide them with a good home.   But that is just me.  
Love all the little children if they are straight and Baptist.  Come on, you know someone just like that.

I give this book an A.  I give the author a big fat D for not writing more stories about the Gumshoe and his psychic partner.  He has a great story and about 1/2 dozen open plots.  His version of Atlanta is unique, pretentious, fragmented and delightful.    I would want to visit it but I don't know where I would fit in.

The Virgin Spring: Read and Review

Podcast by one of our reviewers

Don't Shrug, Atlas!

Hello all, it's been a while since I've reviewed.  Fear not, I have been reading.  I'll try to get a few posts up here in the next few days.  I know the general tint of this blog is to review books about paranormal romance, which I appreciate in small portions.  However, recently I've been reading all sorts of things.  So, hold onto your hats and let's jump into Ayn Rand's masterpiece Atlas Shrugged.

This book is set in the industrial age.  There are many great men, and one woman, doing many great things.  Mining copper, harvesting oil, building cars, buildings, railroads, cities.  Then, the looters start to take over.  Men and women fighting reason with illogic, and for some reason winning.  The common people don't know what to do, but as "who is John Galt?"  There are dozens of characters, but only a handful relevant to the plot. (May I just say that this book is enormous? It is 1063 pages with 6-7 pt font.  It took me 5 weeks of round trip commute reading to make it through.  So, whatever shortcuts I take in describing the plot, characters and so forth, I believe I have earned by actually reading the whole damn thing.)
Ok, so we've got Dagny Taggart, Hank Readen, Francisco d'Anconia, and John Galt.  Dagny runs the largest and most successful railroad.  Hank Rearden, through research and years of hard work, has created his own super strong and super light type of metal, Francisco is the heir to an international copper dynasty, and John Galt is the man who will stop the motor of the world.  Rather, John Galt is a brilliant inventor who was able to create a motor run on static electricity, basically the key to perpetual, free power.  But what had happened was, Galt began to see a change in the world where men he called "looters" were living off the hard work of those who were actually inventing and investing.  The looters were starting to take over everything through a grossly engorged sense of humanism, in which doing things for ones' own ambition and self worth was meaningless; all was to be done for the good of the common people. Galt realized that his hard work was going to be free-loaded by senseless morons.  So, he quit and vowed to stop the motor of the world so that the looters would perish in the peril of their own creation.  Then he went to all the other industrialists and convinced them to quit as well.  That's basically it.  They all end up quitting, and after some very long speeches, run off to the Atlantas Galt designed.

However, there were some pretty intense romantic triangles.  Dagny and Francisco grew up together.  They were each other's first.  Then Galt got Francisco to quit, so he had to sort of push Dagny out of his life so he wouldn't hurt her.  But he saved himself for her.  And really, she was the only woman left in the world worth laying.  Eventually, he reveals that he's still totes into her, but not before Hank Readen gets to her.  Hank and Dagny were working together to build more railroads with his Readen Metal and eventually they realize they are the only people in the world worth sexing too. So, they start up a really steamy love affair, steamy because Hank is married, and Dagny had that thing with Francisco and she's the only woman left in the world worth boning.  For reals.

Then, if you didn't think that love triangle was perfect enough, John Galt reveals himself to Dagny, and she realizes that HE is the one she has always loved, and there is no one else in the world anywhere near as good as John Galt.  The thing I don't get is that Francisco and Hank are pretty much entirely ok with this.  As if, obvs, if they were gay they would totally be after Galt themselves.  Ok, but in the midst of Dagny being shuffled around between the only 3 men left in the world with sleeping with, there's a great quote:
          "Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life.  Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself...sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment, an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exaltation, only in the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire."

I mean, I apologize to all the feminists out there offended by the male-centric language, but really this is a very empowering statement.  The value that you give yourself is betrayed in your sexual partners.  I think that's very true, even though at that point, they were both talking about Dagny (and they didn't know yet that they were both talking about Dagny.  Poor Hank and Francisco, at least they had her for a time.)

There was a really long speech (like 30 pages) by John Galt that I didn't read in it's entirity.  It was just too damn long.  The other thing that made me angry was that one of my favorite minor characters, Eddie Willers, totally got the shaft at the end of the book.  He didn't get to go to Atlantas, he got abandoned in the middle of Arizona.  He grew up with Dagny and Francisco, why did he get abandoned at the end.  I'm expecting all our readers who have encountered this book in an academic setting to have a good answer for me.  Get on that.

Overall, I'm giving it an A-.  It was enough to get my attention at 7:30 in the morning, it was not enough to convince me to read a 30 page speech at 6-7 point font.  Show, don't tell, Ayn Rand.  Show, don't tell.

Spider's Bite by Jennifer Estep

This book is the first of a series (don't ask me if there are any more out yet, I don't know) that is going to follow an 'elemental assassin'. Now, if you aren't familiar with the term 'elemental' as it applies to fantasy fiction, basically it is a human who has the ability to draw upon elements for magic. In this book there are four primary elements (stone, fire, air, and water) but there are offshoots of these, like ice or metal, which an Elemental can call upon. For example, our heroine Gin aka the Spider is a Stone Elemental with an ice talent. She can touch stone, of any sort (even processed stone materials like concrete) and get a sense of recent happenings via the tone of impressions she gets. She can also manipulate stone and move things (like yanking a brick out of a wall and hitting someone with it) without even touching it. The minor ice talent is similar, she can manipulate ice and even create small ice objects (wonder if she ever enters ice carving contests?).

So the Spider is an assassin for hire. She had the usual traumatic childhood which lends itself to the transition of how she found herself in this career (do many kids dream of growing up to be assassins?). She is, self professed, cold and logical and patient. She maintains a strict control over her emotions, which I'd imagine you'd have to do to be an assassin for hire, except whenever she encounters Detective (Mmm) Donovan Caine. Whenever she sees him, or thinks about him, she (Mmm) drifts into sexual fantasies. So we have our love interest. Now for the storyline.

Gin's 'handler' is murdered after he has arranged for a new job for her. The job was a double cross and though she escaped, she was unable to get to her handler in time. She was, however, able to get to his son and save him from some thugs. With the double cross she's now being hunted and has few resources to fall back on. Of course the best course would be to get in touch with the Detective (Mmm) and enlist his help. Good thing for him she does as she foils an attempt on his life. So now Gin, Finnegan (handler's son), and Caine (Mmm) are on the run.

So we have an assassin, a banker (who happens to be adept at auto theft) and a police detective (Mmm) all partnered up. Needless to say their interactions are a bit awkward at first, especially after it comes out that Gin killed Caine's (Mmm) partner. They resolve to work together to find out who was behind the scheme and then all bets are off. Caine (Mmm) is determined to 'bring Gin to justice' when everything is over.

Insert lots of racing around unraveling clues, heightening of sexual tension between Gin and Caine (Mmm) etc.

Overall the book is pretty good. The story is pretty fast paced and interesting enough to hold your attention. The character development was decent enough, though we really don't need to be reminded that Gin is cold, logical and patient, every few chapters. You can definitely see the set up for the emerging series in the hints about Gin's past and I am interested enough that I would probably be willing to follow up with the next book. That being said I had one major, hugely major, problem with this book...the "Mmm's". You might have noticed that I inserted a (Mmm) after every mention of Caine. That is because the internal dialogue of Gin was horribly infested with "Mmm" every time she looked at or thought about our fair detective. To say that it was annoying would be a gross understatement. The "Mmm's" were jarring, out of place, juvenile and all around irritating. I ended up skimming over paragraphs that were about Caine because I just couldn't take it any more.

Grade: C

Crooked Little Story

Crooked Little Vein
Published by William Morrow

Author Warren Ellis



I cannot remember exactly how I stumbled upon this story.  Using my kung fu google skills, I searched for a different book. One of the links took me to a title called, Crooked Little Vein.

I skimmed the book description: 

Burned-out private detective and self-styled shit magnet Michael McGill needed a wake-up call to jump-start his dead career. What he got was a virtual cattle prod to the crotch, in the form of an impossible assignment delivered directly from the president's heroin-addict chief of staff. It seems the Constitution of the United States has some skeletons in its closet: the Founding Fathers doubted that the document would be able to stave off human nature indefinitely, so they devised a backup Constitution to deploy at the first sign of crisis. In the government's eyes, that time is now, as America is overgrown with perverts who spend more time surfing the Web for fetish porn than they do reading a newspaper. They want to use this "Secret Constitution" to drive the country back to a time when civility, God, and mom's homemade apple pie were all that mattered.


I felt that the time had come for a break from paranormal romance to read an old fashioned detective story.

Warren Ellis has written a book to detail the investigation of a PI following the trail of a nefarious book.  I thought this was a book about corruption in the White House.  I clearly did not read the book jacket.


Our hero, Michael McGill, described as a Shit magnet in the book jacket does have that quality. I think one could also write that if this guy were a pair of black slacks, then the world would be a white haired cat.   
It is that bad.
This  guy can not enjoy first-class on an airplane without the Shit joining him for a drink. 
Some he does bring to himself as in this scene that follows a meeting with a beautiful woman:

An hour later, I walked into some freak bar on Bleecker Street and yelled, "I'm buying a hundred drinks -- for me!"
Oh, they beat the shit out of me.  

Reading this book, reminded me a little of Christopher Moore's writing.

McGill takes this beautiful woman, Trix,  with him as he traverses the country searching for the book.  Unlike him, she is not a white dress in a room full of black haired cats instead she is that black cat.  What finds him, sticks to him and merely excites her.
They make an odd couple.  Their attraction to one another a mystery. 

Our author has a statement to make with this book and does so without much subtlety.  You will see it.  It will hit you like a screen door on a windy day.

The characters have an uncompromising honesty leaving little to be assumed.  Despite this, I would not describe them as well-developed.   Ellis uses McGill to represent the ordinary guy in a perverse world.  His reactions are typical.  I understood him. Trix represents that thrill seeking pleasure hording part of modern life.  Her behavior was expected.  Although, I found her to be completely disturbing and a little naive about the true meaning of acceptance considering that she injects saline into her labia to simulate testicles. 



I read this book in a day. It would make the most excellent independent film.  On the same level as Hard Candy.  

The short, choppy chapters are packed with fetishes, the strangest love story ever,  lizard love, and bukkake. 
At 277 pages I give it a B-

The Girl with the Drag-on Narrator

I spent the last few days wading through Stieg Larsson's international best seller, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.   It is a story of two people, Blomkvist and Salander, and how they meet and interact and solve a GREAT mystery together.  Charming.  The book was recommended to me by a dear friend, and I will go ahead and say I can tell why she liked it.  It's full of delicious details, intrigue, sex,  & odd turns of event.  And the better portion of the book kept me interested and engaged. 

I do have some things to say though.  Let's start at the end.  I can understand the author wanting to set up for a sequel, which I believe exists in some capacity, but the ending was SO abrupt that I coughed on what I was drinking.  It was like walking down the sidewalk on a sunny day, turning your head to speak to someone next to you and running into a sign post.  I thought for sure there was going to be another sentence, paragraph, anything, after the last period... but no.  Swift kick to the gut and this book is OVER. 

The next thing that bothered me is the heavy handedness of the narrator.  There was an awful lot of explaining of Swedish this and business that and the whole story is focused on the life of this one clan Blomkvist is hired to investigate (he's a journalist).  So the reader is subjected to page after page of explanation about what is happening in the Vanger family.  I ended up skimming portions because, really, it was pointless.  I know setting up a believable and rich back story is important, but I wanted to read suspense and mystery, that was like reading a history book.  And it went on and on.  Hence the title of the post.  Maybe if I was Swedish I would understand better.  Also, I think there should have been a map of Sweden in the front of the book, just for the sake of the ignorance of American readers.  Throw us a bone here.  On the other hand, it kind of makes me want to go to Sweden. Anyways...

Blomkvist is a character of questionably moral character.  Well not really, but he goes to jail for part of the book (spelled gaol in sweedonese) and he regularly has sex with married women.  Tsk tsk Blomkvist.  I guess overall, Larsson gets you to turn the pages but towards the end I was thinking that the overall plot structure was a little weak.  I'm a jerk though. Lots of people love this book.  Lots of wonderful intelligent well-read people.  But seriously, the major action was over, and there were still about 100 pages to go.  I'm all about finishing things right, but I was pretty much done.  I had stayed up late to finish the book, and that point I was like, the mystery is solved, the action is over, I'm going to bed.  I shouldn't want to go to bed if there are still 100 pages left of a highly riveting novel.

That's neither here nor there, because I haven't even talked about why I think my friend really liked it.  Stieg Larsson must be an advocate for women's rights, or against violence against women.  The beginning of every section had a statistic on violence against women in Sweden.  Then there were instances in the plot where women were dominated against their will, raped, tortured, and killed.  And then, to top it all off, the excerpt from his next book was a scene where a thirteen year old girl is being tortured in captivity.  That's a theme if I ever saw one.  If violence against women is a trigger for you, then you should definitely avoid books by Larsson.  That is about as straightforward as I can be about it.  I came away questioning whether I needed to have read those graphic descriptions myself, but if it's a trigger for you, in all seriousness, don't read it.  There are other best-selling suspense novels out there.

That said I think there is an interesting social commentary under the surface in the novel.  I would love to unpack it more, but my time is short.  I think if I were Swedish, I'd be on it.  At any rate, I don't regret reading this book by any means, I just wish it were a little snappier with the narration and a little smoother with the ending.  Gripe over.

Final score: B

Angel-o, Angel-ol, Angelology

I listened to Angelology by Danielle Trussoni by Penguin Audio.

Susan Denaker is the voice actor.  She does a fine job with the accents and the flow of the novel. It is just a shame.....

From the book jacket:
Sister Evangeline was just a girl when her father entrusted her to the Franciscan Sisters of Perpetual Adoration in upstate New York. Now, at twenty-three, her discovery of a 1943 correspondence between the late mother superior of St. Rose Convent and the famous philanthropist Abigail Rockefeller plunges her into a secret history: an ancient conflict between the Society of Angelologists and the descendants of angels and humans, the Nephilim. 
For the secrets these letters guard are desperately coveted by the once-powerful Nephilim, who aim to perpetuate war, subvert the good in humanity, and dominate mankind. Generations of angelologists have devoted their lives to stopping them, and their shared mission, which Evangeline has long been destined to join, reaches from her bucolic abbey on the Hudson to the apex of insular wealth in New York, to the Montparnasse cemetery in Paris and the mountains of Bulgaria.

Rich in history, full of mesmerizing characters, and wondrously conceived, Angelology blends biblical lore, the myth of Orpheus and the Miltonic visions of Paradise Lost into a riveting tale of ordinary people engaged in a battle that will determine the fate of the world.


Despite that description, I decided to download the book.
It was rough.
This book seems to lean toward several genres while owing an allegiance to none.  I can try to explain it.  It is not a true spy thriller; it is kinda supernatural (there are the angels). There is some detective work and lots of mythology, but mostly this is a boring book.

I read a few reviews before completing the first third of the book.  The reviews informed me that the novel had been prematurely or accurately compare to a Dan Brown novel. It depended on whom you believed.

Evangeline's father sent her to St. Rose to learn obedience.  She became its youngest nun working in the library.  One day she opens a letter from a graduate student, Verlaine,  requesting copies of correspondence between A. Rockefeller and the Mother Innocenta from their archives .  She quickly types a negative response but she is intrigued.  She looks for evidence to prove that there is no evidence and finds evidence - the plot begins.  From there she and Verlaine unravel the tangled web linking angelologists, nephilim, the nuns at St. Rose and her family history in the search for the fabled lyre.

The author attempts to explain the urgency and motives for this search, all of the reasons seemed confounding to me.   For example, why burn down convents in the search for the lyre? 


The book does not explain much more than that.  Therefore, I was expected to believe that a secret group of scientists have studied the nephilim for ways to stop their destructive influence on human civilization for thousands of years. I guess that is okay because this scene .....

In the last minutes of his life, his lungs burning for air, [spoiler ] was drawn into the horrifying translucency of his killer's eyes.  They were pale and ringed with red, intense as a chemical fire stabilized in a frozen atmosphere.

Made me say aloud, WTF?  Where does this book take place, on Mars? Pluto?
Was I supposed to understand that metaphor?
Here is another one:
The air was cold and thick in her lungs, soothing as ice on a wound.
Or was that a simile? 

There were a lot of awkward metaphors that did not assist me in understanding the text.

The author writes scenes some with tedious detail and others that require more than a simple BA degree to understand.  Many passages reminded me of watching slide shows in  my Art history course of KSU.  In one scene she takes great care to describe the fit and brand name of a character's boxer shorts and his ties. For several minutes, I wondered why she bothered....
In another she lauds the characteristics of Vermont marble and precisely details the renovations of a sculpture garden before directing the character to reveal the location of a treasure. 
I must agree with other reviewers. The novel has a movie imagery quality to it as if the author expected the novel to be seen on screen rather than read or heard (as in my case).  I admit, this worked for Dan Brown.....

The novel attempts to convince me that it is a thriller about on-going war between the offspring of angels and humans. If there were such a war, I would assume many things:

• A group of angelologists would have infinite resources after a few thousand years.  There should exist resources in the area of espionage, subterfuge, anti-angel weaponry, cryptography, and defensive tactics. 

• Maybe that is the North American in me raised on the spy gadgetry of James Bond, the quests of  LOTR, detective work of Sherlock Holmes and the religious overtones of C. S. Lewis (did you see the joke I made there?)  I have high expectations for plot devices.  I cannot comprehend how a long-standing organization would lack serious fortification. I felt that at any time, a nephilium could just walk right into the room.  

• If a family of murderous angel spawn had me under constant surveillance, I would not drive a car with the license plate "Angel1." Would you?

• Understanding that angelologists have generations of research on angelic bodies, I would be damn sure to own a weapon or tool that would dissuade them from bothering me.

• I would find the nephilim strategy of waiting until an angelologist gathered enough research to make him/her an expert a particular field of angelic studies in order to torture, murder and steal the body of knowledge unacceptable.  These travesties should be anomalies not commonplace. 

I should note that St. Rose is a haven for angelologists, I figured out very early that Evangeline is being hidden. Whoopdedooo. Big reveal there......

• Finally, I should be able to recognize friend or foe. Angelologists should have a secret handshake, brand, locket, phrase, or something by which to identify the brothers and the sisters for the cause.  Being raised in the culture, Evangeline should have been able to recognize the relationship of her convent to her life with her parents who were angelologists. 

The book divides into three parts or spheres. The first sphere sets the plot of the book in  New York 1999.  Then without much warning, the reader is sent back in time to 1943 into pre-occupied and later occupied France.  This second sphere provides some of the backstory.  Other than that, it was pointless.  The final sphere takes us back to 1999 with only one day having past.  The third sphere attempts to bring everything together into a final wrestling match with the nephilim.  The books conclusion was well formulated.  Sadly, it opened the door for a sequel.

The names of the characters made me giggle.   Dr. Seraphina. Dr. Raphael. Percival Grigori. Gabriella. Angela. Celestine.  Did the author think that readers are children?  I got it, it is a movie, er book,  about angels.    Most of the book read like a lecture.  As  a first book in a series, I can permit some lecturing on the part of the author. Unfortunately, the amount of lecturing on the 17 tracks  were insanity. 

If you are wondering, why did I bother to finish this book.  It is because I was waiting for someone to get kissed by an angel. 
C-

Queen Victoria hunts demons wearing lacy undies

Recently, I read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and I liked it. 

I had avoided 19th century stories based in the United Kingdoms since taking British literature in High School. 

I just didn't think the themes and such applied to anything that I have experienced as a Black woman. The Regency and Victorian eras seemed very foreign to me.

All that changed when I read Soulless by Gail Carriger.   It is set in the Victorian era.  I finally saw the connection to the themes and customs of that era to those of this one amid a vampire/werewolf romance story.  As a former anthropology major (for a year), I could appreciate the social nuances of class, sex, ethnicity, etiquette, propriety, fashion and courting of that era and relate it to my 21st century experiences.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies aided me in understanding the Regency era in the same manner.  

Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter  taught me the politics involved in being the reigning monarch in England while a demon horde ravages the lands and vies for the throne.  There was  some interesting xenophobia and bawdy jokes about Germans.  There is historical reference to the reform movement and real events in the life of Queen Victoria.  Cool.

As I read the novel, I found that it paced like a SyFy movie just developed a little more.

The book jacket  promises a story about a newly crowned queen who receives an arsenal of demon hunting weapons in addition to her crown and scepter.  Not exactly true. It is a conspiracy thriller.  There you go. 

The book actually follows the Queen as circumstances lead her to become a demon hunting monarch and mother of two.  A sequel to this books would undoubtedly chronicle her blood and gory exploits during her reign but this novel did not.  This is not to write that there were monitored descriptions of death, flesh eating, bloody katanas, and other atrocities.  The author has a fine style to describe gruesome scenes with vivid imagery, ingenious quips, and evil villains all with a dash of romance. 

For example: 

'Sir, it's the zombies, sir,' Perkins managed, breathing heavily.

There was a crack of lightning from outside, a rumble of thunder.

'Yes?' said Quimby, still irritated. 'What about the zombies?'

'Sir, they're eating the prostitutes.' 

That paragraph introduces a hilarious scene of flesh eating debauchery. 

The characters to note are Phillip, Victoria, Maggie, Melbourne, and Quimby.  Quimby provides the comedy in the story.  Maggie moves the action along.  The evolving relationships between Melbourn and Victoria and Phillip and Victoria provide both conflict and intrigue.  The evolution of Victoria's character from third in line to the throne to a demon hunter is really slow.  

The first half of the book bored me except for the chapters dedicated to the antics of Quimby and his faithful zombie servant Perkins.   Even so, the book could have added another 100 pages or so to the second half and I would have been perfectly pleased.  The second half contained quite a bit of blood and gore.  Perfect scene staging for a Saturday night movie. 

You should read this book if you like action, plot twists, zombies, coach chases, hand to paw combat,   monster rats, demonology, visits to the lunatic asylum, and discussing the role of state sanctioned torture for political prisoners.  

C+ with  potential in a sequel

Another reviewer recognized some similarities between the characters and action of the book to the Aliens movies.

Then We Came to the End... Who is "we"?

I just finished this book, so I'm giving you the freshest and least nuanced of reviews of it.  It is Joshua Ferris' debut novel and a pretty good one at that.  I liked the book.  There were no vampires, werewolves, fairies, unicorns, or mer-men, but it was still riveting literature.  Imagine that.  In the absence of mystical creatures there were at least one whore, one complete idiot, and one maniacal mad man, who went on a shooting spree after being let go.  With a paintball gun.

It focused on the office dealings of a rather large ad agency in downtown Chicago.  So, I would say a major theme of the book is "office intrigue."  Everybody loves a little office gossip as long as it doesn't "hurt" anyone.  (Quotes are there to indicate that hurt is a percieved notion.  Pretty much everyone is hurt by gossip over the course of a high school career or a year in a college dorm, but in the grand scheme of things, these are the small tragedies of life.)  I think the reasons that I liked the book personally is because I did know a lot of the places Ferris described in an off-hand unstudied way about Chicago.  Like the use of Oak Park as an idyllic suburb that people have normal lives in.  Oak Park, in real life, is a rather expensive and left-leaning suburbs, which tries, in many ways, to keep the cutting edge feel of being close to a major city without making people feel like they live, for real, in a major city.  There are good schools, nice restaurants, low crime, etc.

Another reason I liked this novel is because you learned about a lot of characters, but the majority of the narration was given from the first-person plural, the "we".  This was interesting because you wanted to know which one of the characters was actually narrating and hiding their real feelings in the "we", but after a while you get to realizing that the "we" was amorphous and changed depending on the situation.  However, you could rely on the "we" to provide a grand sense of the collective consciousness of the office.  So, I feel like, for a first time author, relying so heavily on the "we" was risky.  Ferris did it well.  If you see him, give him a pat on the back. 

One of the strangest and most engaging parts of the book was an interlude between halves where an omniscient narrator told the truth behind what their boss was going through.  It was a different writing style and a little weird to adjust to (being spoken to by the Borg for most of the book).  But it did answer some pressing questions and gave the reader some information that the "we" didn't know until much later.  Very nice use of a interlude.  I'm pretty impressed by this Ferris guy.  Buy him a shot in addition to that pat on the back.

Here's the real question.  He's using all these fancy plot devises and literary nuances and plays with the language and the reader's mind; he gives us so much on his first attempt, it's polished.  So, what are we going to see from Ferris in the future.  Will he write himself into an office story niche?  Is he going to be the author with the "we" narrating all the time?  I don't see how he could and survive in the currently literary climate.  He will have to raise the bar on himself.  He will have to write a new novel, just as interesting and engaging in different ways to prove to the public and his skeptical fans that he is worthy of their continued attention. 

This book is a national best seller and was a finalist for the National Book Award.  Where do you go from there, Josh Ferris?  How much higher can you go?  Having already given a good swing at the "great american novel", what more do you have to show?  Have you blown your load, or will you be still bringing in the cash in your 60s after over 40 books like Stephen King?  Who knows? 

His second novel came out this year already, and I haven't heard anything about it. It's called The Unnamed, sounds like a sophomore slump if you ask me. Nevertheless, he got things right as a rookie. 

On a Pale Horse by Piers Anthony

Our story begins with the introduction of Zane, a dissolute man who decides to commit suicide. As he raises the gun to his head, even beginning to squeeze the trigger, Death enters. Zane manages to yank his arm away from his head and shoots Death in the face, killing him. Fate promptly arrives to explain to Zane that since he killed Death he must now take over the office of Death.

And the adventure begins! Death, as an office, is a peculiarly complicated job. Death is only called for a personal appearance when the soul of the person to die is in perfect balance between good and evil. Death then analyzes the soul, decides which way it must go and sends it off. If Death cannot get a valid 'reading' he drops the soul off to purgatory (which calls to mind the office setting/personal of the DMV), where exhaustive accounting takes place. Aside from the office of Death, there are five other Incarnations; Fate, Time, War and Nature. After some interaction with these other office holders, Death learns that he has been set into his office on purpose.

He is called to the death of a powerful magician who basically wills his daughter to Death. This woman, Luna, is destined to thwart Satan in twenty years. Satan, however, has no intention of letting Luna live long enough to prevent his 'master' plan. Of course he sets it up so Luna will die early. Ah, only Death can save her now!

This book is quite interesting in that it examines the place of death in life. The dialogue Death has with others, as well as internally, treats death as a puzzle and the attempt to solve it moves the storyline forward quite well. There is definitely a strong Christian bias in the portrayal but it manages to leave most doctrine at the door. While God and the Devil are certainly individual actors (especially the Devil as we meet him) the focus is mainly on the concepts of good and evil and there is a good smattering of relativism tossed in for fun.

I would definitely recommend this book. It is entertaining and thought provoking and provided you aren't too sensitive to the Christian slant, it would be suitable for most any reader.


Grade: A+

Horns by Joe Hill - Horny Madness

Horns by Joe Hill
I did not stumble upon Joe Hill.  Amazon and WeReads recommended the author’s novel, Heart Shaped Box.  After about a year of the suggestion popping up in my profile, I finally downloaded the ebook.  I like the first chapter so much that I ordered the audiobook from my local library.
I enjoyed Heart Shaped Box immensely.  The story began innocently as a ghost story and ended as a complicated love story.  I could write that it was a story of revenge and love or a story about redemption and love.  I will not.  It was a creepy story that, had it ended any other way, would have left me scarred for life. 
So, of course, I sought out his most recent novel, Horns. You can find an excerpt here 

One hundred or so pages in, I was so creeped out that I decided to take a break and Google the author. 
Joe Hill is no ordinary creepy author. Hill’s famous father, Stephen King, has been creeping us out for years.  Since I have read no King books, I really did not know what to expect.  I could not use King’s novel based movies as a standard. Why would I?

Armed with the information, I went back to reading my book.

Okay, it has a creepy factor of 9.7 out of ten.  Totally creepy.

The events of the story take place over a week or so but the author filled about 30 or more tracks with flashbacks.



Back to the summary.  There is the whiny guy named Ig Perrish who has lived a righteous life.  His rich family have respectable positions in the community.  His girlfriend’s murder continues to haunt him as the anniversary of her death approaches. Despite having lived a virtuous and respectable  life in the small town of Gideon, everyone thinks he is a rapist/murderer. 
The grieving man visits the site of her death to be near her.  Not to repent anything just get shitfaced and cry.  A few hours later, Ig wakes up from a drunken stupor with a set of horns erupting through skull.  He follows a logical path.

First, he reviews what he can remember; Got drunk, Pissed on a statue of the Virgin Mary, Did not go home…..
Next, he determines that he is not hallucinating. He heads to the apartment that he shares with the local bad girl, Glenna.  Yes, she and other people see the horns. No hallucination, but his problems have just begun.  People start to tell him their deepest, darkest, and disturbing secrets.  He cannot stop them.  He tries but his horns affect a cleansing therapy that everyone wants to experience when they are near the horns.

"You think you know someone. But mostly you just know what you want to know."
— Joe Hill (Horns)
 
Then we follow Ig as he seeks out people whom he feels have no dark secrets, he knows all their secrets, or whose secrets would be banal. He visits places all over his little town just to learn that he knew absolutely nothing about the true desires of his family and friends.  It was sad, really.  I kept thinking to myself, he should just stop.  Like bad plastic surgery.

All of his actions seem reasonable.  He even began giving the poor souls advice concerning their deep secrets.  Fist pump.....That is a way to make a bad situation better.

After a  day of this, he slips into a depression and seeks a place to be alone with the horrible confessions and memories of people he loved and respected. That place turns out to be near the murder site.  He is not alone.  He is visited by hundreds of snakes.  Then the pontificating about God, evil, forgiveness, death, and love begins.  His thoughts move the story along with the exhausting flashbacks.

The novel kept me interested although to quote the words of another reviewer: “it meandered a bit.”
At one point, I began to suspect that the author and the editor were lovers.  Hill indulged himself with metaphors and extended flashbacks so much that I said at least once to myself, “enough already.”   I fast forwarded whole minutes of audiobook narration. I laughed after the 50th metaphor or so.  I just wanted some plain writing by the end of the book.   Hill and a thesaurus are a dangerous liaison.

The narrator did not have a lot of distinctive voices for the various characters.  I followed the story by figuring out who was talking.  Despite this, Fred Berman, did an excellent job with his characterization of the Glenna.  He took a minor character and fleshed her out for me.  I began to listen for her appearances in the novel.  I do not know if I would have connected so well with the character if I had read the book. 

Finally, this is not a whodunit novel.  It is not a story about a man turning into a demon.  Not a love story with snakes. Not a tale of unholy revenge in a small town.  It is just good story telling with dashes of spirituality, love, and betrayal.  Or maybe it just a monster tale.  You decide.
My score A- with a dash of creepy.

"The best way to get even with anyone is to put them in the rear view mirror on your way to something better."
— Joe Hill (Horns)

From Dead to Worse by Charlaine Harris

This is another installment of the Sookie Stackhouse series, a series which spawned the creation of True Blood on HBO, by the way. Now, I started watching True Blood when it first began and I was totally sucked in...get it? hee hee hee... Anyway, I put off reading the books for awhile because, as we all know, the books and movies/television series that are based off of books never align properly. I liked the show too much to risk 'ruining' it by reading the series...until after the second series when I finally broke down and started reading them. I'm not going to spout off about which is better, that's rather irrelevant for this forum and for my own part, I like them both.

The thing about the Sookie books is that the main character is, well rather annoying. The stories are good but Sookie just irritated the hell out of me. The whole whiny, bad things happen and it's really not my fault, and inability to accept responsibility was just irksome all the way around. However, this book finally shows us a maturing Sookie who, while she is still prone to tantrums and whining, at least recognizes that she is being silly or overreacting, etc. This more fully developed Sookie does have several adventures (gosh being a bartender in a small town is rough!) per usual.

So, we have issues with the local Were community (attempted takeover) that Sookie finds herself stuck in the middle of. We have issues with the vampire community (successful takeover) that Sookie is again smack dab in the middle of and we also have sidelines with Tanya, Sookie's brother Jason, her roommate(s) and Bob the former cat, and to top it off, Sookie meets her Fae great-grandfather and her cousin Hadley's child (who appears to have the same abilities as Sookie).

The storyline is, as always, entertaining and fast paced. I found myself tearing through this book and that dreaded "just a few more pages" that turns into "oh crap it's 6am already!" definitely popped up. The Sookie books, as a whole, are all similar in that way. Most of the stories I've finished in a day and even when Sookie is acting like a total 'tard I still look forward to reading the next...

Overall the Sookie Stackhouse novels are a fun read. They aren't terribly deep or challenging but the are perfect for light entertainment. I am definitely excited to see what happens with this new, wiser Sookie.

PS--the third season of True Blood starts in a couple of weeks so I'm not sure when I will be reading the next book in this series...

Boneshaker: Was this a teen book?

Last Sunday, I read Boneshaker by Cherie Priest all in one day.  Impressive right?  It's not a short book either.  416 pages. And it was full of all sorts of fun stuff.  A steampunk vision of a Civil-War era Seattle.  Zeppelins.  Crazy machines.  A gas seeping from underground that makes people into zombies... I mean what more could you possibly want.

But the fact that I read the book in one day makes me suspicious.  Did I just unwittingly read a teen novel?  Was I fooled by DPL's faulty book organization into reading a book written for high school students?  Or did this fun, if a little awkward, book meet its intended audience in my charming readership? 

Well, I suppose there must be a way to determine this.  First off, it was published by the SyFy conglomerate.  So, someone at SyFy thought this was an appropriate story to attract their viewership to the written word. People who watch SyFy are not necessarily a certain age, they just have a certain group of interests.  Fair enough, so this is inconclusive.

I guess we want to believe that teen novels should be a little tamer than adult novels... which is not necessarily true.  I can bet you that the first sex scene I read was from a "teen novel." I am also pretty sure that there was nothing in this novel that wouldn't be found in an adult novel or a teen novel. There was violent death, there were creepy characters, there were dysfunctional families, and there was evil.  The protagonist was a single mother who had to venture into the walled off city of Seattle which was ensconced in a poinsonous gas they called "the Blight."  The Blight had been unleashed by her deceased husband by his crazy invention, the Boneshaker.  If you breath too much, you die and then sometimes reanimate.  They called the zombies "rotters".  So the mother goes to rescue the son.  The basic structure of the story is "family friendly"; it could easily be made into a Disney film. There is nothing so harsh and cold and evil about the story that I could not end up in the teen book department.  Also, no sex.  Because there is NOTHING romantic about have to wear a mask at all times to keep the Blight out and there is nothing romantic about have to be quiet so the rotters don't catch wind of you.  Nobody was getting it on.  Too dangerous, not enough clean air.

If it is considered an regular novel for adults, it's awful tame. I kind of think that it might have done better on the teen market regardless.  The only other reason I think it might be a teen novel is because I was able to read it in one day.  It was fast; the words were pretty large (they were also printed in dark brown ink instead of black, which I think is cool and show-offish at the same time.)  So, I'm pretty much decided that this is a teen novel.  It's like a coming of age story for the son, and while he's not the "main" character, he does go through finding out that his father was not blameless when it came to the Blight accident.

Sad day.

My last question is about the picture on the front.  Do you think that's the boy, young boys look like girl sometimes?  Or the mother, who really shouldn't be that young looking? I can't figure it out.  I start to lean towards the mother, but then I'm like it could be the son.  Oh bother.

As for whether I liked the book, well I did, but the writing could have been smoother.  I felt like I was reading the awkward examples in writing textbooks on how to create believable dialogue.  It got better as the book went on.  But you can tell this is her first "real" novel.  The cover says "break-out novel".  I think she should write a sequel, in which the son figures out how to either stop the gas and restore Seattle or tame the rotters and take over Vancouver.  Bother are good choices as far as I'm concerned.  If you are tired of your paranormal romance, try this steampunk romp on for size, but don't expect to find it challenging.  Just sayin'.

Savor Me Slowly by Gena Showalter

This book is part of the Alien Huntress series, of which, I believe I've read a couple though I cannot recall the titles off hand. Basically the background of this series is that it takes place on Earth at a time when aliens are no longer sci-fi, they are, in fact, the newest immigrants. There are a variety of species who pop up and while a great many of the new citizens are peaceful, there are of course the occasional 'bad apples' amongst them. This is what prompted the formation of A.I.R. (kind of an FBI type of organization except they deal exclusively with bad aliens). The hero of the book, Jaxon, works for this organization and we begin our story with him trapped in a cell, having been tortured for an unspecified amount of time.

Enter our heroine Mishka Le'Ace. Mishka is an assassin who was created in a lab. She is part human, part machine, part animal (which animal(s) we are never told). This mixture makes her a particularly effective killing machine for whoever owns her at the time. Yep, I said 'owns'. See, it turns out that Mishka has a chip that was implanted in her brain when she was a child that allows her to be controlled by whomever has custody of her control panel. It's not like a remote control, how dull would that be, rather it grants the power of life and death over her and the ability to 'punish' her with excruciating pain at a whim. As you can imagine, this makes for a rather interesting childhood and such.

So Mishka has been ordered to rescue Jaxon. No biggie for our assassin except she finds herself strangely attracted to him. (What a surprise!) So she whisks him away to a safe house provided by her employer/master. Of course Jaxon was not rescued out of the goodness of anyone's heart. She is supposed to find out everything that he knows about a new race of aliens that have come to Earth who have been infecting human women with a nasty virus that causes them to a.) slowly start to rot while living and b.) turn into icky cannibals. As Jaxon is badly injured, Mishka must care for him for several weeks before she can even attempt to interrogate him. Enter strange attraction--it grows between both of them (duh) and eventually they do the deed.

Neither one will admit that they are falling for the other. Ho-hum... Then Jaxon is re-rescued by his teammates from A.I.R. and things start getting more interesting. Two of his teammates have met Mishka before and let's just say they don't like her very much. Oh the tension! Meanwhile, they are still tracking down the mega-STD aliens. It turns out that these aliens have already decimated at least two other planets (one of which was the home-world for an earth-born alien who works for A.I.R., which ties another book in nicely).

Enter action, excitement, blah blah blah... and eventual resolution of both the alien issue and the Jaxon/Mishka issues. Yea for happy endings!

So, overall I did enjoy this book quite a bit. It's definitely light reading but the pace is good the characters are interesting. The romance/sexiness scenes are amusing, if a bit drawn out. I particularly like that there are several areas that tie the stories together. Each book that I've read (so far) is a decent stand alone but they all share an underlying theme that is definitely a build up for the final story. It is done subtly enough to intrigue. I will be interested to read more of the series.

Grade: B+

BEST NEW Paranormal Romance: Part 1

Hey Gluers,

I've got a treat!  I'm reading through an anthology of Paranormal Romance stories... I've gotten half-way and I've decided to give you mini-reviews for each story in the anthology.  This is the book's cover, in case you are driven to go looking for it:

Ok, it's a mixed bag, full of surprises, so I'll get started.

The first story "Follow Me Light" by Elizabeth Bear is kinda strange.  The main character is a very ugly man named Pinky.  And still the narrator sleeps with him/falls in love.  Because she can see his swampy coloured aura, nice.  Also, because, even though he's really really really ugly, he's got an awesome voice.  She says "oh, la" when she hears his voice for the first time. Not to belabor this, he's like a fish god or something, but they're in Arizona, ZOMG DRAMAZ.  Then his fishy brother shows up, things get weird.  It was a strange story.  It was brave to attempt to make a romance with a really ugly fish god man work.  It didn't.  I also don't know why the story is titled as it is.

Story number TWO, "A Maze of Spaces" by Claudia O'Keefe.  I think, well, I read it about a week ago and I can't really remember anything useful about it.  The narrator is the Goddess of Lonely Spaces.  She lives in a creepy part of West Virginia, she falls in love with this guy named Landry.  When they finally consummate their love, she passes her "special gifts" onto him and has to leave the area.  It's weird because she is in control of the whole county, like she can manipulate nature, and the weather.  And she makes people feel lonely, so they leave.  'Nuff said.

Third story is called "The Shadowed Heart" by Catherine Asaro and it takes place in the FUTURE.  And it's on a planet where days and nights are about 30hrs each.  Harrick is 1/4 of a empath team and a bionically modified fighting machine.  The other 3 died in a crash (oh NOES) and he's searching the crash site for something.  He find Rhose.  (LOL!) Rhose got stuck in the crash site because she couldn't make it home before night (which you will remember is about 30 hours). They run into each other, they start to empathize or something... they boink.  Then he goes psycho crazy because the towns people start to attack him (fighting machine, remember).  The only one he won't kill is Rhose, because they are empaths.  It ends well. 

Story number 4. "Walpurgis Afternoon" by Delia Sherman was not romantic.  At least not in the "somebody gets laid" sense of the word.  Maybe in the historical sense or the literary sense.  There are witches.  They are lesbians.  They get married... but that's not the center of the story.  The center of the story is the family next door, and they are already married with children.  Not romantic.  The story is nice and pretty and ends pleasantly.  But it's not romantic.  Get it out!  Gone!

The fifth story is "A Knot of Toads" by Jane Yolen and it is set in Scotland.  This girl comes home because her father has died.  He apparently died of fright.  There's toads everywhere.  Basically it's a witch story, the witches attack the girl.  But at the end of the story... a man saves her!  Wooo!  And of course it's the charming boy from her childhood who's grown into a real man.  However, there is no sex.  Shame.

The 6th story, and final story for this part, is "Calypso in Berlin" by Elizabeth Hand.  This Calypso is the same Calypso from Greek mythology.  She is in love with a man.  More than in love, in fact, he is her muse.  She met him and can't stop painting him.  So she takes him into the forest outside of Berlin and enchants him and paints him for a year and then she lets him go. Sort of anti-climatic...

That's part one... who knows what the rest of the book will bring.

To be continued!

Psy-chics in Love

Okra and Glue folks
I found it.  A series of books that focus on romances with psychics, mediums and clairvoyants. I can rid myself of the Blood trilogy.  

Heather Graham's Harrison Investigation series are ghost stories with emotion.
I have read the first two books of the series so far.
In these books there is attraction, flirting, and by god - kissing.
And sex.
Yup.
Sex.
Adam Harrison founded his investigation company when he learned that his own son had considerably abilities.
He and his employees track individuals with pyschic skills, investigate hauntings, and bed locals. 
In Haunted, Matt Stone the sheriff of a small Virginian town owns his Revolutionary War era family estate with its ghosts and staff.  He does not believe in ghosts.  Original, huh?  
After a honeymooning Bride streaks naked through the home after being accosted by a malicious presence he agrees to permit Harrison Investigators explore the house. The elegant Darcy Tremayne arrives and all hearts are a flutter. 

She dreams each night about a horrible crime that occurred in the estate. The story follows her investigation and his growing impatience with the ghostbuster.  


In The Presence, Toni MacNally and her five best friends rent a Scottish castle to organize dinner theater tours.  Suddenly, the real owner  Bruce MacNiall, appears and they learn that the little play she wrote for the performances are based on real people from MacNiall's family. 
The real Bruce MacNiall is investigating a serial killer that is using his ancestral home as a dumping ground while the Scooby friends continue their performances.  It gets really complicated fast.  I did learn that no one really eats haggis.
There are two mysteries here, the legend of the original Bruce MacNiall and the identity of the serial killer that is seeking the current Bruce MacNiall's attention.   


In both books, characters protest the apparent abilities of the investigators.  This got old fast for me.  The characters denied the haunting while everyone around them screams in terror.
Contrast that with the fact that the main characters fall into each others beds  pretty quickly. For both books, the average time was about 3 days from introduction to coitus.  

What I learned from the books:
True love is easier to believe than the dead communicating with the living.  

The books were quick reads.
Enjoy them for yourself. 

A Bloody Job Under the Moon

Hey O-Gluers!

Are you ready for this?  It's a TWO-FER!

I read A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore AND Under the Blood Red Moon by Mina Hepsen.

So, yeah, it won't be double the length, because it's already 10:30 and I want to go to bed at a reasonable time.

Ok, so A Dirty Job is great.  I like it a lot.  It's funny, self-effacing, witty, and weird.  Charlie Asher becomes a minion of death, which means he collects the objects people put their souls into when they die.  And then evil creatures are trying to take over San Francisco.  There's lots of back story and fun stuff happening and interesting characters.  I don't feel like talking about it.  It is my assertion that the greater majority of the readers of this blog have either read books by Christopher more or in fact read this very book.  So, I'm really not concerned about rehashing the plot.

I just want to ask.  Is it ok for a writer to intentionally niche himself?  Moore writes books that have a similar flavor.  They all have flashy covers, goofy protagonists, and supernatural themes.  So it's an equation that works for him.  So many writers do this, and I'm not sure that I like it.  I mean, he's good at it, so he should keep doing it right?  Or should he try to push himself as a creator of imaginary worlds?  Or are most writers limited to a niche by the type of talent they have?  Because I don't think Moore would have sold many books with poetry, or memoir, or serious novels.

He's a goofball.  And you have to love him, or at least let him amuse you. Like a court jester:

Right on cue.

So, on to Under the Blood Red Moon.

Not a bad first dip into the chilly pool of paranormal romance.  Not a bad go round.  So, it's ridiculous, I mean we have a half Russian princess half English nobility lady named Angelica.  She doesn't really want to get married, but wevs, she has to support her brother with the heart condition ( I don't know why this was necessary except to provide additional dramaz to the part of the book where people were getting drained of blood by rouge vampires and the brother was freaking out.)

So, Angelica is looking for a hub-sand.  Wooo.  But it's HARD FOR HER because she can read minds.  She can hear what everyone is thinking.  All around her.  It makes it hard for her to go to balls, because it makes her crazy and woozy.  And so she hid behind a bush.  Because that made it better.  Sheesh, bushes stop the mind reading.  There's GOT to be a good innuendo in there somewhere.  All of a sudden, she sees this captivating guy.  Woah.  Come to find out, he reads minds too.  So she's ceaselessly attracted to him and has to find out all about him. She meets him and he shows her how to block out all the voices from her mind.  It's like night and day.  One day she is crippled socially, the next day she's gallivanting about and all because of this charming irresistible dude who changed her life... blah blah blah.

Obviously, he's like a 500 year-old vampire.  They flirt around for about half the book.  He's looking for a slayer and the rouge vampire.  She is trying marry this human guy but she can't get Alexander out of her head. We get to the last 1/4 of the book before anyone has any sex at all.  For all the skin and lips on the cover there really should have been dozens of sex scenes.  But they do the nasty once (at the end of a vampire ceremony), and because in 18th century England there are no rubbers, she's showing the next day.  Well, she's showing this sooper secret mark that tells you and everyone reading something REALLY IMPORTANT.  But I'm now going to tell you, because I don't want to deny you the scentilating last 15 pages of the book where the author scrambles to have a final fight scene, marry everyone off, and explain all the prophesies that were fulfilled in the making of this baby.  Seriously, packed a lot in there at the end, not entirely comfortably.

Anyways, lacking on the sex, but not a bad story.  Although, from a feminist perspective, Angelica was screwed until she got screwed by sooooper old vampire uber alpha male.  No way she was going to save herself or enjoy life without a man.  Just not an option.  Some of the plot devices were really transparent.  Like, "I see what you did there, Hepsen."  Get this, Mina Hepsen is a pen name.  The author's real name is Hande Zapsu from Turkey. Personally, I don't see how Mina Hepsen is really all that much better than Hande Zapsu.  Zapsu is kind of an awesome last name.  Zap.  Zapsu.

Righto. That's that about that.  I've got a couple more PR books from the library.  It's going to get magical in here.  Enjoy your week, Okra-Gs.