The Snarky Women's Guide to Modern Literature

A club of folks who read and review books we loathed, devoured or could not finish.

The reviewers are narcissistic and prone to PMS. You may find inane commentary, sarcastic maneuvering, hostile retorts, some bitch slapping, and lots of vodka induced posts.

Our Motto:
Some people avoid book clubs that behave like soap operas, we buy tickets to them.

P.S. If you don't want spoilers, move along.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Moonshine by Rob Thurman

I have a little sister. We are 2.5 years apart. I actively made her life miserable for 16 years of her life. She was spared my sisterly dislike when I went away to college. The joke was on me because I joined a sorority and had to learn to be sisterly. She definitely benefited from that experience. I must declare that I am a great sister now. 

I used to tell people that I had not been properly prepared for her birth. She had a rough life being born 4 days after a major holiday. I was born in the summer. So family members thinking themselves clever would give her gifts on MY BIRTHDAY. I resented her for that. I didn't care that she didn't get a buttload of gifts in December. 

My mom delighted in dressing us alike. I think it was just lazy on her part to find two separate outfits. I hated it. 

Fortunately, I am an adult now. I have my life she has hers. We get a long great!
When I picked up this tale about two brothers, I did not anticipate that it would make me nostalgic. Unlike my sister and I, the brothers, Nik and Cal Leandros have been close since birth. Where as, I placed pins in the floor at age 6 in the hopes that my sister would step on it resulting in a bloody sock on my own foot; Nik has protected his little brother from monsters since he was eight. My sister went unscathed by the way.

Nik and Cal share a gypsy mother. Unlike Nik, Cal knows who is father was. He killed him. Nik began as four years older than Cal but now they are two years apart. To understand that you will need to read the first book Nightlife.

In Nightlife, we learn that the monsters are the auphe or elves. Monsters that other monsters fear. At the top of the food chain for eons, they found themselves outbred by the descendants of cave dwellers. Cal as a halfling is both the auphe heir and the cause of their extinction. Nik is a one man killing machine who wears a coat of many arms. With each page, I never knew what would come out of Nik's coat, a bat'leth, a witchblade, or elven rope. The possibilities had no limits.  My sister was a cheerleader and played softball. I ran track, generally competing for last and second to last place at all the meets. But I was smart and she was popular. I won!

My sister and I would play practical jokes on one another. Mom was annoyed. Nik and Cal like to spar in their second floor apartment. Neighbors be damned!

In Moonshine, the brothers have started a private detective/body guarding business. With Cal's level of laziness completely outlined in the first book, I wondered how the author could convince me that this whole entrepreneurial venture would work. Rob Thurman, added a third and sometimes fourth partner in vampire Promise Nottinger and the pansexual puck, Robin Goodfellow. The foursome make a fierce team, despite the awkward love triangle between the human, puck and vampire. Cal's love life is simple. He avoids it. He avoids fantasizing about the psychic George, with her red curls, dark skin and scent of sunlight.
I'd smelled her coming. Honey and oatmeal soap, the orange and clove shampoo, and underneath it all was the scent of Georgina. Sunlight. Don't ask  me how someone can smell like sunlight. I don't know. It was corny and trite and simple truth. Luckily for me she also smelled of shockingly mundane toothpaste, minty and completely ordinary it let me keep at least one foot on solid ground -- at least that's what I stubbornly told myself.
That is, until she goes missing. From that point on the group focus all their efforts on returning George. Cal would have us believe it was to return her home to her family. After which he would extricate himself from her life completely to keep her safe.
I believed that like I believed my sister would pay on my Fashion Bug bill that she ran up buying school clothing... . Mom had to get involved with that one.

In this book we meet werewolves. I like the undervalued character of the albino wolf, Flay. I hope that you will as well. I especially liked imagining him wearing a tank top and flip flops with gnarled toes and a soft white pelt of fur covering his body.

Rob Thurman throws in a fantastic road trip. I loved it. 

Cal considers himself to be a monster because of his father's heritage. Nik wants to save Cal from his own dark thoughts. That is a true brother. Nik will always have Cal's back. Cal will always lean on it.

My sister has two daughters 15 years apart. I think I will call her and ask her how the potty training and college visits are going. That is how I am a good sister.

My score A for awesome!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Since I have your attention

I have not reviewed a book in some time due to my recent surgery. I hope to have something for you soon. Perhaps, another member of the team will post a review......


Moving on.
I want to share some of my thoughts with you.
Within the science fiction, paranormal and supernatural genres, I have developed my own special groupings. I like all of the sub-categories but these need extra special attention, I hope that you will agree.

Unapologetic Monster - Whiny people can suck the life out of any room. Whiny, self-loathing, depressed, or brooding monsters bore me. I have thrown books at walls in an expression of my irritation.  I would rather not do that anymore. I prefer the strong, will-bending, sexy vampire. Or the musk-scented, family-centered lycanthrope. Mmmm. The incantation sputtering wizard and the dead perceiving detectives have the best lives. And I can't forget the angels. I am not referring to the angry Fallen waiting for the gates of Heaven to open. I like reading about the winged watchers,  taloned warriors and feathery wealthy who live among and manipulate humanity.

Chamberpot Fantasy -  I like fantasy. I do. I do not like any fantasy story where a chamber pot is mentioned. You were thinking that this term referenced some dirty fetish, didn't you? You should pick up some children's literature. If the story has magical creatures, then the first order of business should be to create a spell to take care of the business. A fantasy book should not spoil my imagination by noting the lack of plumbing advances in the times of unicorns and wizards. To put it simply, I prefer urban fantasy. This horse and buggie stuff is for the 1980s.
I prefer stories about flying or flesh eating cars to those chronicling the quests of dragon riders or owls. Owls, really? Actually, I would read a good story with horses and wagons as long as the characters do not disembark to "go behind the bushes."

Fairy Cliterature - refers to the pan-sexual exploits of both human and non-human creatures that serve to make the reader just a little uncomfortable or horny.  Think cloaca/penis sex. Or better yet, do not imagine such a thing. Nothing good will come of such an imagination. Certainly not a popular book. On one hand, the prospect of reading about a wererat and a werehyena having relations while in their were form seems interesting. However, no one need ever go there. Moreover, the sexual habits that vampires and other fairy creatures accumulate during their long lives have endless possibilities. This of course leads to a scene in which a newly created vampire who fails to control her bloodlust while performing fellatio nearly bites her lover's little friend. If that is your type of literature, have fun with it. I will be skipping pages.

If authors and publishing companies used these additional categories, I could target my reading list. Do you have your own sub-categories for the Science Fiction genre?